We all know someone who always seems to be in a new romantic phase, seeking advice and enthusiastically sharing tales of their latest conquest. These “serial monogamists” can exhibit symptoms of depression or anxiety and face emotional challenges when transitioning between relationships or spending time alone. Psychologist Annie Tanasugarn, as reported by Psychology Today, explains that this behavior often stems from deep-seated wounds and may elevate the risk of other problematic behaviors.
Feeling of Insecurity
Growing up in adverse conditions, including abuse or neglect, can compromise one’s sense of security, notes the expert. Some individuals may turn to romantic relationships to “fix” or “rescue” them from their unmet need for security. By constantly maintaining a romantic connection, they may believe they now have stability and safety. Unfortunately, if a person hasn’t addressed or healed these fundamental attachment wounds, they may mistake a controlling or abusive partner for being “protective” or providing security.
Abandonment Trauma
Experiencing abandonment – whether real or perceived – can impact one’s sense of security and ability to connect with others. These abandonment wounds can have a more significant impact if they occur during crucial stages of early childhood development. The result is that individuals may carry these fears of abandonment into their romantic relationships, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy: the closer they get to a romantic partner, the greater their fears of abandonment become, potentially leading to the dissolution of the relationship or being left behind.
Interpersonal Addiction
This wound may resonate with an unmet need for external validation and a tendency to rely on others to reflect or support a sense of identity. Those affected may struggle with the absence of a romantic relationship, as their fears and unmet needs tend to intensify. Negative emotions when alone, heightened feelings of depression and anxiety, and difficulty tolerating autonomy are all factors that can trigger deep-seated fears of abandonment. Someone who struggles to live without a romantic relationship may actually have difficulty understanding themselves as individuals and may use a romantic relationship as a means of self-identification.
Low Self-Esteem
For individuals with low self-esteem, not being in a romantic relationship can lead them to feel “inadequate,” driving them to seek a relationship to validate their worth and alleviate this sense of inferiority. This pattern often becomes cyclical, with individuals choosing relationships based on their unmet needs to feel desired, valued, and loved, rather than selecting a partner who is their emotional and psychological equal. This puts them at an increased risk of entering into a toxic relationship or a traumatic bond, just to avoid being alone, according to Annie Tanasugarn.
