Love is an intense feeling that is impossible to avoid. It catches us by surprise and produces emotions we are not used to dealing with. Pleasure, euphoria, desire, jealousy, fear… Sometimes, these feelings cannot be controlled.
In a relationship, we tend to put the other person first and forget we ever lived without them. However, beware of it becoming an obsession!
Some natural reflexes can become excessive and cause a lot of pain. This obsessional feeling that takes hold of us is what we call the love disease, or limerence.
Psychologist Dorothy Tenov first spoke about limerence in her 1979 book. This word is used to describe a psychological state that’s close to obsession, and that we often confuse with love. Moreover, it has strong similarities with dependence, addiction and even OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).
What causes limerence?
When we fall in love, it’s only natural to feel preoccupied with the fear of losing our partner, not being loved in return, or constantly being with the one we care about. However, when these thoughts and feelings become omnipresent, this is limerence. They take up all of our attention and energy and make us lose control.
This love disease makes us ponder and dwell, but it also creates anxiety. The person is obsessed with this relationship, to the point of forgetting themselves and their entourage. They can even neglect parts of their personal or professional lives.
This obsession makes them analyze every coming and going, and read into each action, word or behavior… until the worst comes to mind. Fear of rejection and abandonment can lead them to change their behavior and reactions to suit those of their loved ones.
To fight this psychological state and come back to healthier relationships, it is recommended to seek professional help.
