Not boring, not antisocial: for some people, quiet is the whole point. Picture a Saturday with nothing on the calendar. For some people, that sounds like a problem to fix: who can we call, where can we go? For others, it sounds like a small gift. If you belong to the second group, you may have spent years being told you need to “get out more.” Research suggests you might simply know what works for you.
In experiments published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, psychologist Thuy-vy Nguyen, then at the University of Rochester, worked with Richard Ryan and Edward Deci, the co-founders of self-determination theory, to measure what a short stretch of solitude does to our mood. Participants sat alone in a comfortable chair for 15 minutes, with no phone and no conversation. Afterward, they felt calmer and less angry or anxious, without feeling lonelier or sadder. “Solitude can be valuable and useful at times, particularly when we want to switch off for a few moments,” Nguyen said.
Why Introverts Need the Quiet
Socializing takes energy for everyone, but introverts often feel the cost sooner. “Introverts are indeed often drained by socializing, but that’s partly because the effort required may not seem worth it,” says Colin DeYoung, a psychology professor at the University of Minnesota who studies personality. Psychotherapist Marti Olsen Laney, author of The Introvert Advantage, describes what happens when introverts go too long without downtime: feeling “anxious, agitated, irritable, and ‘snappish,'” and struggling to concentrate.
Nguyen’s research adds one more detail. Solitude felt best when people chose it, and when they were free to choose what to think about.
9 Things Introverts Find Deeply Relaxing
- A rainy afternoon. Rain gives you permission to cancel plans and stay in, with a steady sound in the background and nowhere to be.
- Headphones. Music, a podcast or nothing at all: headphones create a small private bubble on a busy train or in an open office.
- A quiet weekend at home. No events, no hosting, just time to read, cook or tidy at your own pace.
- A solo hobby. Knitting, painting, puzzles or a long recipe let your mind focus on one thing, much like the mentally stimulating hobbies that keep the brain engaged.
- Plain silence. Exactly what Nguyen’s participants experienced: a few minutes of doing nothing, without a screen.
- A walk alone. Moving without having to talk lets your thoughts wander and settle.
- A good book. Reading offers company without conversation, which is why it often feels restful rather than draining.
- One-on-one time instead of a crowd. A coffee with one close friend can feel energizing, where a party of 30 feels like work.
- The early morning. The hour before the house wakes up is often the quietest of the day, and many introverts guard it carefully.
How to Make Room for It
Schedule solitude the way you schedule appointments, even 15 minutes. Put your phone in another room so the time is truly yours. Choose it rather than fall into it, since Nguyen’s work suggests that choosing to be alone makes it more restorative. Tell the people around you what you need, so a closed door does not read as rejection. And after a busy social stretch, plan a quiet evening before the next one. Small habits like these support calm, much like walking with your hands behind your back, a gesture psychologists link to reflection. The lesson worth borrowing is that rest does not always mean sleep; sometimes it means silence.
The Bottom Line
Rainy afternoons, headphones, a quiet weekend, a solo hobby and plain silence are not boring for introverts; they are restorative. And research shows that just 15 minutes alone, without a phone, can calm anger and anxiety without making people feel lonely.
