It usually starts with a blanket. One partner kicks it off at 2 a.m., the other wakes up shivering, and by spring someone is sleeping on the couch. For a growing number of American couples, the answer has been to sleep in separate rooms. But in much of Scandinavia, couples solved the problem a long time ago, without leaving the bedroom. All it takes is one extra duvet.
How common is “sleep divorce,” really?
More common than most couples admit. In a 2023 survey of 2,005 adults by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, more than a third of respondents said they occasionally or consistently sleep in a separate room from their partner, as reported by WebMD. Millennials led the trend at 43%, followed by Gen X at 33%, Gen Z at 28% and baby boomers at 22%.
Sleep experts are not alarmed. “It really just means that people are prioritizing sleep and moving into a separate room at night when needed,” said Dr. Seema Khosla, a pulmonologist and spokesperson for the AASM. But separate rooms also mean losing the closeness many couples value. Which is where the Scandinavian approach comes in.
What is the Scandinavian sleep method?
The idea could not be simpler: you keep sharing the bed, but not the bedding. “Instead of sharing one larger duvet, each partner has their own single-sized duvet,” sleep and body clock scientist Dr. Kat Lederle told Woman & Home. Each person can choose their own weight and fabric, and nobody wakes up because the other one rolled over and took the covers.
It also solves the most common fight of all: temperature. “Having a light duvet can help alleviate hot flushes during the night and ease sweating,” Lederle noted, which makes the method especially popular with women going through menopause.
Why do couples disagree so much about temperature?
Because they often genuinely feel it differently. Research by Boris Kingma and Wouter van Marken Lichtenbelt of Maastricht University, published in Nature Climate Change, found that the standard formula used to set office temperatures is based on the metabolic rate of a 40-year-old man weighing about 155 pounds. Women’s metabolic rates can be 20 to 35% lower, and in a small study of 16 women, their ideal temperature was almost 5°F warmer than men’s, as CNN reported.
The bedroom is no exception. One partner may need a cold room and a heavy blanket to fall asleep, while the other is too warm under a single comforter. Two duvets let each of you set your own temperature without touching the thermostat, which, as we explained in our guide to fall thermostat settings, is already a compromise.
How to try it tonight
- Buy two single or twin-size duvets instead of one queen or king. Each should cover one person comfortably.
- Choose different weights if needed: a light one for the partner who runs hot, a warmer or heavier one for the partner who is always cold.
- Keep one fitted sheet for the bed, and fold each duvet separately in the morning, the Scandinavian way, without a top sheet.
- Give it a week. It can feel odd at first, but most couples notice fewer wake-ups once nobody is fighting for the covers.
The bottom line
Sleeping apart is no longer a sign that something is wrong, and more than a third of Americans already do it at least some of the time. But before anyone moves to the guest room, there is a cheaper, warmer compromise. In Scandinavia, it has been sitting on the bed all along: one duvet each.
