Do you find yourself caught in the same patterns that make you feel bad? Here’s what self-sabotage is and how to overcome it in relationships (and beyond).
Self-sabotage is a trap we set for ourselves, it’s as if you were scoring an ‘own goal’.
Sometimes it’s unconscious, and other times it involves much clearer dynamics, leading us to ruin moments or relationships that seem to be working, at least on the surface.
Self-sabotage is a subtle mechanism because it operates independently, and if not consciously guided, it can be challenging to understand how to break free from it.
As a result, it can hinder us from achieving the most ambitious goal of all: happiness.
We’ll explain how to overcome it.
How to Overcome Self-Sabotage
Understand How You Operate
To overcome self-sabotage, you need to understand your internal mechanisms.
It’s essential to grasp what influences your choices and reactions, as well as getting as close as possible to your fears.
In fact, it’s often our fears that are the true culprits of the inner saboteur.
Bringing these fears to light can help you find more effective strategies to attain serenity.
Identify Your Perceived Reality
There are concepts we believe to be set in stone, both for ourselves and others.
For instance, we might think that all partners will eventually leave us.
Perhaps we think this because we’ve experienced it, seen it happen to others, or because our experiences have reinforced this belief.
These dysfunctional beliefs we are certain of can silently guide our choices.
In our example, you might end relationships shortly after starting them because you’re convinced that your partner will do the same, thus avoiding the painful feeling of abandonment.
However, things may not be quite as you perceive them. The perceived reality can be very different from the objective reality, and you might find yourself sabotaging relationships that could have worked.
Self-Sabotage in Therapy
Overcoming self-sabotage requires deep self-work.
Fears and convictions are deeply ingrained, making it difficult to identify them independently.
Think about it: if you’re convinced of something, you don’t easily question it.
To unveil the mechanisms that hinder you and find better strategies to overcome them, you often need the assistance of a mental health professional who can technically address the dynamics you engage in and help you stop putting spokes in your own wheels.
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