We pay attention to what people say. Researchers found that the small words around it may say even more. Picture this: a friend tells you that “nothing ever works out” or that she is “always” the one left behind. You hear the frustration. What you might not notice is the shape of the sentence itself, the all-or-nothing words holding it together.
Psychologists Mohammed Al-Mosaiwi and Tom Johnstone of the University of Reading set out to study exactly those words. In a study published in Clinical Psychological Science in 2018, they analyzed posts from more than 6,000 contributors across 63 online forums. Their focus was on absolutist words, terms such as “always,” “nothing,” “completely,” “totally” and “entire,” which leave no room for shades of gray.
What the Researchers Found
The pattern was clear. Forums about anxiety, depression and suicidal ideation used significantly more absolutist words than control forums about everyday topics. The suicidal ideation forums showed the highest levels of all.
Absolutist language turned out to be a more specific marker than many other word categories the team tested. In other words, how people framed their experience was at least as telling as what they talked about.
The Words Can Linger After Recovery
One finding stood out. In forums for people recovering from depression or suicidal thoughts, absolutist words were still more frequent than in control forums. The researchers suggest this may reflect a lingering way of thinking that could leave people more vulnerable to relapse.
That is not a diagnosis, and the authors are careful about it. “It is of course possible to use a language associated with depression without actually being depressed,” Al-Mosaiwi has noted. Everyone says “always” now and then. The signal lies in a persistent pattern, not in one sentence.
How to Soften All-or-Nothing Language
If you notice these words in your own thoughts, try a small experiment. When you catch yourself thinking “I always mess this up,” replace it with “This time, it didn’t go the way I hoped.” Swap “nothing” for “not much yet,” and “completely” for “partly.” It can feel awkward at first, but it gently reopens the space between black and white. Journaling helps too, since seeing the words on paper makes the pattern easier to spot. If you are someone who tends to fall into unconscious habits, this is one worth watching. For more on the habits psychologists link to happiness, see the one trait women over 40 say to leave behind.
And if a loved one’s language has turned consistently absolute and hopeless, reach out and listen. If you or someone you know is struggling, in the U.S. call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, and in the U.K. and Ireland call Samaritans at 116 123. The lesson worth borrowing is to listen to how people speak, not only to what they say.
The Bottom Line
Psychologists found that words like “always,” “nothing” and “completely” show up far more when people are anxious or depressed. Noticing them is not a diagnosis, but it can be a gentle first step toward a more balanced way of thinking.
