In 2020, YSL Beauty launched Abuse Is Not Love in response to a global reality that remains both pervasive and under-acknowledged: 1 in 3 women will experience violence by a partner in her lifetime, yet only a small fraction of survivors ever obtain justice. The initiative was created to help prevent and combat intimate partner violence by addressing the early warning signs that are often overlooked — or misunderstood — in abusive relationships.
For its latest thought-leadership report, the brand partnered with psychologist and author Dr. Sara Kuburic to shift the conversation inward, examining how abuse is frequently felt long before it is named. Drawing on insights from survivors and non-profit organizations working across 8 countries, the research centers on the internal experiences that can signal danger even when external proof feels unclear.
Since launching Abuse Is Not Love, YSL Beauty has trained more than 1.3 million people to recognize the warning signs of abuse and has committed to educating 2 million people worldwide by 2030. That commitment spans partnerships with non-profit organizations, employee training programs, and the funding of open-access academic research — an effort to ensure awareness, education, and resources move in tandem.
Across cultures and communities, 5 internal warning signs emerged consistently: confusion, minimization, emotional unease, disconnection from self and others, and embodied distress. Together, they offer a framework for understanding what abuse can feel like from the inside — and why leaving is rarely simple or immediate.
Below, Dr. Kuburic explains why these internal signals matter, how they manifest in real time, and what she hopes readers begin to recognize in themselves and others.
GRAZIA: What prompted you to focus specifically on the internal warning signs of abuse for this year’s report?
DR. SARA KUBURIC: As a society, we tend to
observe or talk about survivors in a very detached way. I often
hear people speculating about what they think is happening, what
the survivor should or shouldn’t do, or whose “fault” it might be.
Much of this discourse comes from a place of judgment, fear, or
misunderstanding. I felt it was time to shift the focus in our
conversations from talking about her, to exploring what it’s like
to be her — an approach rooted in mindfulness and compassion.
The 5 internal signs of abuse are meant to offer an additional
layer of protection and awareness. When you’re in an unhealthy
relationship, it can be overwhelming and difficult to evaluate your
partner’s behavior or to know what is “normal.” Turning inward can
offer critical clues that something is not right. My hope is that
recognizing these inner signs helps people trust themselves and
seek support or leave unsafe situations sooner.
GRAZIA: In your research across multiple countries, what patterns or themes appeared most consistently among survivors?
DR. KUBURIC: The patterns and themes were
noted as the 5 internal signs in the article: confusion,
minimization, disconnection (with self and others), emotional
unease, and embodied distress. I had the honor of
interviewing YSL Beauty’s NGO partners across 8 countries: the
United States, Germany, Indonesia, South Africa, Portugal,
Bulgaria, Croatia, and Spain. These organizations work closely with
survivors and bring decades of expertise to this issue. The
phrases, emotions, and reflections shared by survivors through
these partners became the heartbeat of this piece. Their lived
experiences helped guide the language and themes, ensuring that the
work remained grounded in their reality.
GRAZIA: Why is confusion often the first internal sign — and why is it so misunderstood?
DR. KUBURIC: Confusion is a significant but
often overlooked sign; I go as far as to call abuse a pandemic of
confusion. This is because it scrambles our inner compass until we
no longer know what is normal, who we are, or what to do. Survivors
often live in a haze, trying to reconcile their partner’s words
with their actions, or the person they believed their partner to be
with the reality they’re experiencing. They also struggle to
understand how someone they love could harm them or how they
themselves could be “someone this happens to.”
It’s like trying to drive through dense fog: when clarity is
lost, it’s hard to know which direction to go. Abuse creates
that fog, making decisions feel impossible and scary.
Confusion is also deeply misunderstood because, from the
outside, abuse can look very linear. People imagine obvious red
flags, clear turning points, or dramatic moments of recognition. In
reality, most survivors describe the opposite. Abuse is gradual,
alternating between harm and tenderness, criticism and affection.
That inconsistency keeps people doubting their own perception. It’s
not that survivors miss the signs. It’s that the signs contradict
each other.
GRAZIA: How can people differentiate minimization from normal relationship conflict?
DR. KUBURIC: In healthy relationships,
conflict is about 2 people trying to understand each other and work
together as a team to solve a problem. Even when it’s
uncomfortable, it usually leads to repair or clarity.
Minimization is different. It’s what happens when we downplay
or dismiss behaviors that, deep down, we know are not okay. We do
it because admitting the truth feels too painful, too frightening,
or too disruptive to the relationship we hoped we were in.
Minimization isn’t about resolving a disagreement. It’s about
protecting ourselves from the reality of harm. You can hear it in
the little stories we tell ourselves: “It’s not that bad.”
“Everyone fights.” “I’m being dramatic.” Over
time, this self-silencing becomes a survival strategy.
The distinction is simple but profound. Normal conflict makes
space for 2 truths; minimization erases your own. If you
consistently shrink your feelings to preserve the relationship,
it’s a warning sign.
GRAZIA: What does “disconnection from self” look like in real time for someone experiencing abuse?
DR. KUBURIC: In real time, it can look like
watching yourself from a distance. You might agree to things you
don’t want, ignore needs you once honored, or rationalize behavior
you know would have once felt like a big deal. Many survivors
describe a sense of fading. They stop recognizing their own
preferences, boundaries, and emotions. It’s not that they lose
themselves all at once. It’s that they drift away piece by piece.
For many, being themselves starts to feel progressively less
safe.
GRAZIA: Emotional unease can be subtle — what emotional shifts should people pay attention to?
DR. KUBURIC: You might notice a heaviness
before seeing your partner, a knot in your stomach after certain
conversations, or a growing sense of relief when they’re not
around. You may catch yourself walking on eggshells, rehearsing
what you’re going to say, or bracing for reactions. Another
early shift is shame: feeling embarrassed to tell friends what’s
happening or hiding parts of the relationship you once shared
openly. When your emotional landscape starts feeling smaller,
tenser, or harder to inhabit, it’s worth paying attention. Our
emotions are important messengers of danger.
GRAZIA: Why is the body often the earliest place that abuse manifests?
DR. KUBURIC: The body holds what the mind
tries to rationalize. Long before we can name what’s happening, our
nervous system registers patterns of unpredictability, fear, or
threat. Survivors often describe headaches, chest tightness,
nausea, insomnia, or chronic exhaustion well before they
consciously recognize the relationship as unsafe. This
happens because the body is not interested in narratives; it’s
interested in survival. When something feels dangerous, even
subtly, our physiology responds. The body flags what our brain is
still hoping isn’t true. That’s why somatic clues can be such
powerful early warning signs.
GRAZIA: What do you think is the biggest misconception about why survivors stay, and why leaving takes multiple attempts?
DR. KUBURIC: The biggest misconception is
that survivors stay because they are “weak.” In reality, they are
powerhouses navigating layers of fear, love, hope, financial
dependence, trauma bonding, isolation, and threats of escalating
harm. Abuse is designed to make leaving feel impossible and trick
the survivor into staying. It’s no surprise that leaving often
requires multiple attempts; survivors are not indecisive, they’re
surviving.
GRAZIA: How do cultural expectations — family, romance narratives, holiday pressures — reinforce these internal warning signs?
DR. KUBURIC: Cultural narratives can become accomplices to our silence. Many of us grow up absorbing stories that normalize suffering in the name of love, celebrate endurance over wellbeing, or equate loyalty with self-betrayal. Family expectations can add another layer, urging people to “keep the peace,” “try harder,” or “not give up.”
These societal pressures don’t create abuse, but they can
deepen confusion, minimization, and self-blame. They make it harder
for survivors to trust their own discomfort and easier to justify
staying in harmful dynamics. Naming these pressures helps loosen
their grip and reminds survivors that their pain is not a personal
failure — it’s a human response to being harmed.
GRAZIA: What do you hope people reading this report begin to understand about abuse that they may not have before?
DR. KUBURIC: I hope it deepens public
awareness of what intimate partner violence can feel like from the
inside and encourages women to trust their intuition when something
doesn’t feel right. Often, when something feels off, it probably
is.
My goal is to help individuals recognize these signs earlier
and feel empowered to seek support. On a broader level, I hope it
challenges the narratives that romanticize suffering and instead
contribute to a culture that values emotional safety as much as
romantic love — a world where “love” and “harm” are no longer
confused.
GRAZIA: How do you see your work with YSL Beauty amplifying the conversation beyond traditional mental-health spaces?
DR. KUBURIC: So many young women look up to
brands like YSL Beauty as aspirational, and with that kind of
influence comes profound responsibility. I was deeply moved to see
YSL Beauty embrace that responsibility in such a tangible and
meaningful way. From Saint Laurent himself, who empowered women
through his bold designs and challenged gender norms, individual
empowerment and independence have always been part of the brand’s
DNA. That legacy makes its stance against violence even more
powerful.
By shining a light on the often-invisible realities of abuse,
they’re helping dismantle stigma and giving countless
survivors the courage to name their experiences. This kind of
visibility can be life-changing, even lifesaving.
