Jacob Elordi, Joey King and Joel Courtney in <i>The Kissing Booth 3</i>
Jacob Elordi, Joey King and Joel Courtney in The Kissing Booth 3 (Photo: courtesy of Netflix)

Today, I watched The Kissing Booth 3. It was not how I expected to spend a significant chunk of my Wednesday. I wasn’t even aware, when I woke up this morning, that there was a new The Kissing Booth movie out. In fact, before today, I really couldn’t have told you anything at all about The Kissing Booth trilogy, and this is because I had never seen either of the first two films. But when you’re in my line of work, when something is trending—100k+ searches the last time I checked—you throw yourself into it!

What is The Kissing Booth 3? Well, that’s more or less the question I’ve tried to answer. But going in, my basic understanding was that it is the latest in a series of beloved teen romantic comedies made for (and by?) Netflix. I did allow myself to read the description before I stared, mostly just because it was right there on my screen:

“Determined to make the most of her final summer before college, Elle plans the ultimate bucket list as she navigates what comes next with Noah and Lee.” Hmm. What comes next with Noah and Lee… Is this movie about…a teenage throuple?

Some of my further thoughts before starting this journey:

This movie is categorically not for me. I have not been a teenager for an undisclosed number of years. And I’m not a big fan of romantic comedies. So, I am well out of my comfort zone here.

On kissing booths: They’re objectively gross, right? When even was the last time a kissing booth was an acceptable thing to have at…a fair? A church bizarre? You say kissing booth, I think: 1) Cutsiefied quasi-prostitution; 2) A breeding ground for contagion.

On Joey King: I like her! I thought she was great in that Gypsy Rose Blanchard series on Hulu. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her with a full head of hair.

On Jacob Elordi: Mmm, Jacob Elordi. I hope he plays a nice guy in this.

Joey King and Joel Courtney
Joey King and Joel Courtney (Photo: Marcos Cruz/Netflix)

22 Minutes later…

Ok, here’s what I know so far: Elle (King) is dating Noah (Elordi). She’s also best friends with Lee (Joel Courtney), who is also dating someone whose name I didn’t catch and she hasn’t done much anyway so it’s fine. They’ve all just graduated from high school and they’ve been on a summer road trip (Montage #1) and meanwhile Elle is trying to decide what college to go to.

My initial assumption was that Lee was the sensitive best friend who had a big crush on Elle his whole life, but then she fell for Noah, a jock who also probably at some point proved that he’s sensitive and has inner depths. Then briefly I thought maybe they were all related because of the way they all interacted with Noah and Lee’s mom (Molly Ringwald!) and dad (a male actor). But no, Noah and Lee are brothers and Elle just basically grew up with them.

Also, they are very rich and selling their extremely gorgeous beach house for reasons. So, the teens get to spend the summer there getting the place ready to sell. While cleaning out their childhood playroom (Montage #2), Elle and Lee find the bucket list they made as kids, and in the midst of their BEST SUMMER EVER (Montage #3) they decide to do everything on it (Montage #4) before going to college in the fall.

Taylor Perez
Taylor Perez (Photo: Marcos Cruz/Netflix)

1 hour and 3 minutes in: CONFLICT!

Oh god, BEST SUMMER EVER has gotten complicated! Marco (Taylor Perez) and Chloe (Maisie Richardson-Sellers) are back. I say “back,” but while the Noah-Elle-Lee love triangle was fairly easy to work out—at least I think it was—I’m still not really sure I understand Elle and Marco and Noah and Chloe. Here’s my best guess: Elle and Noah broke up maybe in the second movie? And Marco and Chloe were their rebounds?

Regardless, Marco seems like the main obstacle here. He’s still super into Elle and Noah is jealous and so there’s a lot of back and forth, and just when it seems like Elle and Noah are working things out there’s a fight! Marco punches Noah, and Noah is like, I am a grown man with a motorcycle so I’m leaving to sleep under the Hollywood sign.

Also, Elle’s dad is dating someone and Elle is stressed out about it, and I honestly just don’t care about this plotline.

Molly Ringwald and Joey King
Molly Ringwald and Joey King (Photo: Marcos Cruz/Netflix)

1 hour and 39 minutes in: THE END!

So, everyone is annoyed at Elle—except for Chloe who is just lovely and that girl Lee is dating who really isn’t in this movie. Noah broke up with her and Lee is annoyed because they’re drifting apart I guess.

But then Molly Ringwald tells her to stop worrying about boys and figure out what she wants to do. So, Elle decides not to go to the schools that either of her boyfriends are going to, and they all make up and go their separate ways as friends. Oh, and Lee and that girl broke up too.

And look, if I’m honest, I feel like the movie should end here. Pretty much from the moment I understood that The Kissing Booth 3 was about high school grads trying to make their relationships work the summer before going to college, I was 100-percent not rooting for Noah and Elle. Because the relationships you have in high school aren’t supposed to last! They’re like training wheels for the mature connections you will make as an adult. Right? So, this is an effective—if a little cloyingly executed, but hey, this is for kids—way to leave things, right?

So…The End. Right?

Joey King and Jacob Elordi
Joey King and Jacob Elordi (Photo: Marcos Cruz/Netflix)

1 hour and 45 minutes in: PSYCH! Six years later…

Wrong! The movie actually ends with a little coda. Six years later, everyone has new haircuts and nicer clothes, and they all meet back up in LA. Lee and that girl got back together and are engaged. Elle has short hair and pants which I guess means she’s a successful video game designer and is also single.

Elle and Noah—who is wearing a suit for some reason—stumble upon…a kissing booth! And they reminisce about the past, and this is how I learn that Elle had her first kiss ever with Noah at a kissing booth not unlike this very one. They gaze dreamily at each other and as Noah walks away, Elle imagines the two of them riding motorcycles together down the Pacific Coast Highway. So, I guess that means they eventually end up together?

Oh, also Molly Ringwald didn’t sell the beach house after all.

And that is the end of the The Kissing Booth saga! I wonder if I got any of the backstory even remotely correct…