Anxiety isn’t just a bit of nervousness before an exam or job interview. For many people, it’s a constant presence. An inner voice that amplifies doubts, distorts emotions, and makes even the simplest situations feel overwhelming. Those who live with frequent anxiety often find themselves having to explain, justify, or hide what they’re going through. And even with the best intentions, those around them may end up saying things that make things worse.
When wondering what to say to someone with anxiety, the best response isn’t always a perfect phrase, but rather the ability to listen, be present, and avoid judgment. Sometimes, a simple “I’m here with you” is far more powerful than any advice or solution.
You don’t need to be a psychologist to make a difference: just learn to choose your words with care and presence.
Here’s what to say to someone with anxiety to help them feel seen and supported — and more importantly, what to avoid.
What To Say (And Not Aay) To Someone With Anxiety
1. “Just relax”
Why it’s a problem:
Even if said kindly, this phrase tends to minimize what the other person is feeling. “Relaxing” isn’t a switch someone can flip at will. For those with anxiety, hearing that they should simply “calm down” can be incredibly frustrating.
What to say instead:
“Do you want to take a couple of deep breaths together?” or “I’m here. Want me to stay with you for a bit?”
Sometimes, offering calm presence means more than a thousand pieces of advice.
2. “You have no reason to be anxious”
Why it’s a problem
Anxiety doesn’t always follow logic. It often stems from irrational thoughts. They feel very real to the person experiencing them. Saying there’s no reason to feel anxious can come across as invalidating.
What to say instead
“Even if everything looks okay from the outside, I get that it doesn’t feel that way to you.”
Acknowledging someone’s emotional reality is the first step toward true empathy.
3. “Think positive”
Why it’s a problem
While positive thinking has its merits, forcing it during moments of high distress can feel toxic. Not all situations can (or should) be instantly reframed with optimism.
What to say instead
“If you want, we can do something together to distract you a bit. Sound good?”
Offering a small, concrete action can be far more helpful than abstract encouragement.
4. “You’re always so anxious”
Why it’s a problem
Labeling someone by their difficulty or disorder is harmful. It reduces their identity to a single trait and can deepen feelings of shame or guilt.
What to say instead
“Do you often feel like this? We can talk about it if you’d like.”
Showing openness and a willingness to listen helps someone feel seen and not judged.
5. “You just need to toughen up”
Why it’s a problem
This implies that anxiety is a weakness and that overcoming it is just a matter of willpower. In reality, those who suffer from anxiety are already fighting hard every day. Being told they’re not trying enough can be disheartening.
What to say instead
“If you want, I can help you find someone to talk to. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
Offering concrete help and not pressure, is the best way to truly support someone.
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This article first article first appeared on Grazia.it
