From chronic betrayal to aspiring rescuers: here are the seven most common and repeated mistakes in love, to recognize and avoid if you want to break free from the most harmful vicious circles.
You don’t need to be Freud to recognize that the mistakes in love that many people—men and women alike—commit consist of putting into action very specific behavioral patterns, destined to be repeated every time one embarks on a new relationship.
In most cases, these are harmful habits that almost automatically kick in, challenging to recognize and even more challenging to extinguish.
Certainly, careful observation from an external perspective can help unmask and confront them, always keeping in mind that “a tiger’s stripes are hard to change.”
Read about the most common love mistakes, and if you recognize yourself in any pattern, you’ve already taken the first step to break free.
The 7 Most Common Love Mistakes (and How to Stop Making Them)
The Tennis Player’s Pattern (aka “You Don’t Know How to Be Alone”)
Just like a ball in the hands of Serena Williams or our beloved Berrettini, some people bounce back and forth—not on a tennis court but from one relationship to another—without accepting a (healthy) period of solitude between the various connections they collect.
Their modus operandi remains a real mystery to most: they exit an apparently devastating relationship, and in no time, they’ve already started a new one.
Adaptability? Inclination for compromise? Or perhaps a fear of isolation? Hordes of confirmed singles continue to wonder, labeling them with a laconic “they just don’t know how to be alone.” And they’re probably right.
Don Draper’s Pattern: Infidelity as a Lifestyle
Whether you followed Mad Men or not matters little: the fame of its protagonist, Don Draper, as a serial philanderer, transcends the boundaries of the show’s fan base.
The “Draperian” school of thought—and action—assumes the addiction of an individual to betrayal, even when he (or she) is committed to a stable relationship.
Infidelity, in these cases, becomes a lifestyle, without any particular reason or event triggering it: the problem with these individuals is that they betray without a cause, faithful only to their pattern, which is repeated even when caught red-handed and possibly forgiven. Irredeemable.
The Red Cross Pattern, Always Wanting to Save Someone
“Please, save me!” No, it’s not the plea of the classic damsel in distress from a superhero movie, but the invocation that the Red Cross enthusiasts hear hammering in their minds as soon as they start a relationship with someone.
Someone who, among other things, doesn’t have the slightest need to be rescued from an imminent danger, but the pattern they adhere to allow no exceptions.
So, fueled by an unprecedented passion, they begin their work as budding nurses, protecting the unfortunate from the world’s evils. It’s a mission to which they dedicate heart and soul, promising in return the delivery of a perfectly hyper-tested human being. And it is (in most cases) destined to fail.
Most Common Mistakes
The Hundred-Meter Runner’s Pattern, Who Doesn’t Have Fun if Not Chasing
Still talking about athletes…the hundred-meter runners are born competitors, specialized in that discipline where speed and agility matter more than anything else: they love the challenge, the competition, and for them, courtship must be tight, adventurous, and somewhat Hollywood-esque.
The final prize? The triumphant conquest of the beloved—one that feels unattainable and exhausting, but has infused meaning into their otherwise empty days. What follows the heroic triumph? Simply put, boredom sets in, and they embark on the quest for another “prey.”
The Avatar’s Pattern: Find a Hobby of Your Own!
It’s a great classic, into which even individuals who seem the strongest and most resolved fall. Once they start a relationship, they end up becoming the copy (or the avatar, for that matter) of the person they’re with, completely canceling themselves.
Efforts to make them open their eyes, rediscover their true selves, and display some character prove futile. It’s a recurring pattern that will perpetually repeat itself, with the victim consistently fading behind the shadow of their unwitting “executioners,” unless they invest a substantial amount in effective therapy.
Mark Zuckerberg’s Pattern (or Endless Chats that Lead Nowhere)
In the age of social media, there’s always someone intentionally blurring the lines between “real” life and the virtual realm, duping everyone on platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and more into thinking they’re living an incredibly glamorous, hectic life like a true socialite.
Two thousand and more “friends,” social events (presumably) attended from the first to the last, job positions (intentionally) exaggerated, and an opinion on anything happening in the world make these characters small web stars. After intense and prolonged chats, once the fateful courtship begins, even that wall of (self)deception in which they themselves believed collapses. And they end up revealing themselves for what they are, revealing they weren’t showing their true authentic self.
P. Diddy’s Pattern, Thinking He Has to Buy Love
“My love don’t cost a thing,” sang Jennifer Lopez back in 2001, then dating P. Diddy. Or perhaps it’s better to call him Puff Daddy. Well, it doesn’t matter, since that’s not the point.
The beautiful Jennifer complained about her man, who instead of being physically and emotionally close to her, showered her with bags, clothes, and jewelry to prove his love. And like him, many others, as soon as they meet what they consider the perfect woman, engage in a perverse ransom, flooding her with expensive gifts, almost wanting to buy her, her loyalty, and her “dedication to the cause.”
It’s a pattern that obviously hides complete insecurity, along with a complete inability to love: once you expose it, though, maybe avoid throwing rings, necklaces, and Fendi bags from a moving car. Those, fortunately, are forever.
**Are You Self-Sabotaging? Here’s How to Stop It**
**How to Boost Self-Esteem with These Simple Tips**
