It’s that nostalgic time of year again – back to school, back to work, and back to all those big, life-altering questions we put on the back burner over summer. Swept up in the whirlwind of another ‘new beginning’, we don’t need another spiel about organizing your workstation or color coding your calendar. Instead, let’s flip the script and turn that critical eye inward. Let’s talk about bad habits that are keeping us from living our best lives.
1. Having Mental Ruminations
Negative moments that come back to us, a conversation that we keep going round and round in our minds. And these thoughts make us so obsessed sometimes. Result: we live in the past and no longer enjoy the pleasure of the present moment.
One second you’re questioning your action, the very next you’re in a nosedive into ‘could have’, ‘would have’ scenarios – a head-spinning rumination rollercoaster! According to Professor Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, most young adults (63%) and about half the forty-somethings (52%) living in her neighborhood at Michigan are card-carrying members of the Over-thinkers Anonymous Club. And breaking bad habits like this isn’t as easy as falling off a log.
Fear not, several techniques – both old school and modern – can help you put brakes on overthinking. Try the classics: yoga and meditation are your allies. Or, adopt the more radical strategy presented by Dr.Gourion which involves “tagging” your nagging thoughts – assign them labels, colours, or even humorous nicknames for a chuckle!
2. Toxic Perfectionism
Under its guise of a quest for happiness, perfectionism ends up cutting off our ability to freely enjoy life. “We are immersed in a culture of ‘obligatory happiness’ that urges us to be perfect in all areas,” explains Frédéric Fanget. He shares one case of a perfectionist mother in his book, “Toujours mieux !: Psychologie du perfectionnisme:”
“Some time ago, I received a young mother who could not stand her 16-month-old baby spitting out food while bursting into laughter and splashing her clean clothes and beautiful kitchen. This put her in such a nervous state that the baby quickly understood that he had to behave better. “But now that my daughter is clean while eating,” added this woman, “I can see that she is sad, because mealtime is no longer a game between her and me.” This mother realized that her demand for perfection had made her lose her bond with her child and her joy of living. But she could not fight against it.” The same goes for us adults, who run after certain inaccessible goals in a form of toxic perfectionism.”
In the end, the ruthless pursuit of ‘always more’, morphs into a debilitating bad habit. To break free of bad habits, Fanget recommends identifying your true priorities versus what you currently do, and give yourself the permission to be imperfect.
3. Ignoring Biological Rhythm
Understanding your unique chronotype – or internal clock – can help regulate important aspects like hormones, sleep, and even energy levels. Psychiatrist Marine Colombel highlights the importance of the internal clock in regulating our hormones, our energy and our sleep. “Few physiological functions escape the control of our internal clock and going against it disrupts a large part of our body,” argues the specialist.
Hooked on caffeine after a restless night? Try listening to your body instead! Aligning your daily life with your internal clock can bump your health stats up a notch and iron out those energy fluctuations.
4. Accepting Toxic Relationships
How can we focus on a healthy lifestyle if we keep toxic relationships? A toxic environment conditions our entire daily life. Gradually, we let ourselves be poisoned and develop bad relational habits. Among them: passivity (with time, this will improve);
- The fear of losing the connection (whether it is a social, professional or emotional connection) and suffering the consequences;
- The fear of causing harm (I can take it upon myself, after all, it is not so serious).
These behaviors that we adopt without knowing it affect both our mind and our body. “We must first become aware of what is happening or replaying in the relationship, then succeed in gaining some distance,” explains psychologist Béatrice Millêtre.
Breaking free from this bad habit is therefore essential to reconciling with yourself. If a toxic relationship results in a feeling of discomfort, stress and permanent frustration, a healthy relationship is, on the contrary, characterized by a feeling of lightness, freedom, comfort or security.
5. Being a Chronic Controller
Amidst the chaos of our world, the only thing we often feel in control of is ourselves. Attempting to micromanage our lives can turn into a burdensome bad habit. Embrace the allure of the unexpected – dive into the freedom of spontaneity and let life surprise you!
According to sociologist Alain Ehrenberg, “self-control, psychological and emotional flexibility, and the capacity for action mean that everyone must endure the burden of constantly adapting to a world that is precisely losing its permanence,” and that, as a result, “the conquering individual is at the same time a burden to himself.” However, freeing oneself from the desire to control one’s life can, on the contrary, free oneself from constraints.
In the book Celebrating “Everyday Life,” Zen master John Daido Loori asks a question intended to strike minds and explore the unconscious of each person: “Are you looking for control or freedom?” Controlling one’s impulses, desires, emotions, or letting oneself go to the freedom to feel and be?
6. Boundaries, Please: Chronic Yes-sayers
Perpetually nodding in agreement may not be your ticket to the happiness train. Saying no doesn’t make you a grinch – it’s a powerful tool to protect your mental health. Here’s a quick 5-point plan from philosopher Fabrice Midal – know your needs; realize your rights; use it wisely; avoid the hurtful lingo, and finally, don’t put “no” on a guilt trip!
- Saying no is a skill that can be acquired but which requires putting your pride in your pocket.
- There is an art to saying no, with a logic to put in place and phrases to avoid so as not to hurt the other person.
- We can only say no based on what we really are, what we feel, what we want.
- Saying no is a right that you have. It is a way of honoring your feelings, your needs and your limits. Use this right wisely.
- Just because you say no doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or that you want to cause someone else pain.
7. Neglecting Courage to Live Authentically
“…I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” Sounds familiar? According to Bronnie Ware in her book “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying,” it’s among the most echoed sentiments of life’s final stage. It’s only when the curtain of life is about to fall that untapped dreams become painfully evident.
Asserting our desires, expressing heartfelt feelings, throwing in the towel on that soul-draining job for more captivating ventures – it all boils down to mustering the courage to unleash your authentic self!
But let’s clear something up – courage isn’t about hot-headed, reckless dare-devilry. Aristotle himself pegged courage as the golden mean between fear and brash risk-taking. The twist in the tale? Courage ain’t always swashbuckling knight-in-shining-armour stuff!
In modern times, courage takes the form of calmly stating your ‘no’s, asserting your opinions sans hostility, and facing daily life with authenticity and grace. “This relational courage is what we practice in our everyday lives, within our families, with our teachers, our bosses”, clarifies Michel Lacroix, a philosopher, writer, and speaker.
This understated form of courage sneaks into our lives every day – evolving, maturing, journeying from childhood to old age. It’s about accepting the transformation life offers, stepping beyond infantile comfort zones, and embracing growth. So let’s celebrate this widely accessible, often underappreciated brand of courage – for it helps us bid adieu to bad habits and fosters genuine happiness!
**7 mauvaises habitudes dont il faut se débarrasser pour être heureux**
This article first appeared on psychologies.com – Author: Cécilia Ouibrahim
