Childhood experiences silently guide our adult lives, shaping our decisions in ways we rarely realize. Experts agree: your hidden wounds from the past inevitably emerge in your behavior, even when you try to push them down. Indeed, they expose buried pain and childhood trauma you have yet to fully process.
Take, for instance, the case of adults who lacked enough reward and recognition during childhood. Maybe as a child, you cleaned your room, cleared the table, or performed well at school. However, you received no praise, acknowledgment, or validation.
Today, you’re an adult who constantly needs recognition to thrive. Your life becomes driven by action, achievement, and success. If this resonates, you likely fit the “fighter” personality described by the Enneagram, a psychological system built around nine distinct profiles.
Lack of Reward Creates the “Fighter” Persona
The Enneagram clearly illustrates that those who adopt a “fighter” personality profile adapt quickly and can succeed brilliantly. However, they struggle deeply when questions about emotions, either their own or those of others, arise.
“As a child,” explains this theory, “you likely received praise only for what you accomplished, without ever being honored for who you truly are. Consequently, you concluded that achieving success was the primary way to feel loved.”
According to the Enneagram, the fighter is a tireless individual driven by a never-ending thirst for positive outcomes. Because fighters define themselves through their achievements, they desperately crave acknowledgment for all they do. Authentic and determined, they develop strength and resilience throughout their lives but can’t stand idle moments or downtime.
As a result, they constantly push themselves further to reach their objectives. Driven by the need to control how others perceive them, fighters frequently adopt defense mechanisms that place ambition and identity first, while leaving emotional intimacy and inner well-being behind.
The Crucial Role of Reward in Childhood
Initially, children shape their morals out of fear of punishment and the desire for love and approval. While experts believe appropriate punishment is healthy and necessary in education, rewards hold equally essential value. Praise and recognition relay positive messages and foster confidence, empowering children to adopt desirable behaviors.
Conversely, insufficient reward in childhood can leave lasting psychological scars and trigger negative behaviors later in life. A U.S. study published in April 2021 by the Journal of Anxiety Disorders highlights this reality. Researchers at Temple University’s Department of Psychology found that adults who received ample reward in childhood respond better to cognitive behavioral therapy, which helps prevent anxiety disorders.
Addressing the balance between punishment and reward, the American psychologist Thomas Gordon presents an educational approach that incorporates four key principles: acting as a mediating, non-judgmental parent; confidently expressing oneself; practicing active listening; and resolving conflicts without labeling a winner or loser. However, certain reward-based techniques also spark debates.
Back in 1962, psychologist Sam Glucksberg proved that external rewards sometimes reduce performance quality and harm autonomy. Ultimately, finding the right balance between discipline and positive reinforcement remains crucial for healthy psychological growth and emotional freedom in adulthood.
This article first appeared on psychologies.com – Author: Cécilia Ouibrahim
