LONDON, ENGLAND – JULY 10: (L-R) Queen Elizabeth II, Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex watch the RAF flypast on the balcony of Buckingham Palace, as members of the Royal Family attend events to mark the centenary of the RAF on July 10, 2018 in London, England. (Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images)

Meghan Markle is a cover girl yet again — but this time it appears to be on her own terms. In a new interview with Variety for the magazine’s latest issue, the Duchess of Sussex has opened up for the first time about how she and her husband, Prince Harry, are grieving after the loss of Harry’s grandmother, Queen Elizabeth II. During the piece, she also reflects on her last cover story, which was slammed in some corners of the internet for being snarky, and opens up about her upcoming docuseries with Netflix (which was reportedly put on hold due to her and Harry wanting to change parts following the Queen’s death.)

But first things first. The 96-year-old monarch passed away last month on September 8th and coincidentally, during that time the Sussexes happened to be visiting the UK for work from their home in California, something Markle says she’s grateful for. “There’s been such an outpouring of love and support,” Markle said of the public’s response to the Queen’s death. “I’m really grateful that I was able to be with my husband to support him, especially during that time.” 

“What’s so beautiful is to look at the legacy that his grandmother was able to leave on so many fronts. Certainly, in terms of female leadership, she is the most shining example of what that looks like.” Markle added. “I feel deep gratitude to have been able to spend time with her and get to know her. It’s been a complicated time, but my husband, ever the optimist, said, ‘Now she’s reunited with her husband’.”

Markle also noted that since the Queen’s death, she’s been reflecting a lot on the first official royal outing they attended together in 2018 when they appeared at an event to open the Mersey Gateway Bridge on 14 June 2018 in Cheshire, England. For the occasion, the Queen gifted Markle a pair of pearl earrings that she’s continually worn since in tribute. “I’ve reflected on that first official engagement that I had with her, how special that felt,” Markle said. “I feel fortunate. And I continue to be proud to have had a nice warmth with the matriarch of the family.”

CHESTER, ENGLAND – JUNE 14: Queen Elizabeth II sitts and laughs with Meghan, Duchess of Sussex during a ceremony to open the new Mersey Gateway Bridge on June 14, 2018 in the town of Widnes in Halton, Cheshire, England. Meghan Markle married Prince Harry last month to become The Duchess of Sussex and this is her first engagement with the Queen. During the visit the pair will open a road bridge in Widnes and visit The Storyhouse and Town Hall in Chester. (Photo by Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images)

Markle noted that the passing of the Queen has given her “a lot of perspective.” Explaining that big moments in life make “you wonder what you want to focus your energy on.” 

Elsewhere in the interview, she was asked about the cover story she did with New York Magazine’s The Cut, which Variety‘s journalist said “some found to be snarky.” Markle’s response was that the piece was supposed to be about her podcast Archetypes and that she’s “had some time to reflect on it” since. “Part of me is just really trusting, really open — that’s how I move in the world,” she continued. “I have to remember that I don’t ever want to become so jaded that that piece of me goes away. So despite any of those things? Onward. I can survive it.”

Markle also mentioned the long-awaited Netflix docuseries coming later this year, which was rumoured to be put on hold due to the royal couple wanting to make changes to the narrative in the wake of the Queen’s death. “It’s nice to be able to trust someone with our story,” Markle said of the series’ director, Liz Garbus. “Even if it means it may not be the way we would have told it,” she continued. “But that’s not why we’re telling it. We’re trusting our story to someone else, and that means it will go through their lens.”

Perhaps there’s a reason this piece was in Q+A format and not written as a feature: after The Cut piece and this docuseries drama, maybe Markle’s taking the narrative back, for real this time.