“For the longest time, my friend had been asking me to head up to the mountains and visit her, so I finally decided to go. I took my two kids and went to Bikfaya.
We were sitting on her balcony and chatting, then all of a sudden, we felt everything shaking. My friend asked me if I felt it, and I told her I did. We thought it was an earthquake, then suddenly we heard missiles and shortly after was the explosion.
At that very moment, I felt terrified, and my daughter felt it too. She was nine at the time and started to cry. Even though we were in a very far village from the explosion, we didn’t know what happened. I thought that maybe planes were coming from Israel, and we were under attack. I felt a war was going to start in Lebanon, and we were going to die. We turned on the TV and checked social media to see an explosion in Beirut.
Within the first week of what happened, we were in complete shock, and even till now, it’s very hard to talk about it. Ever since that day, we fell into significant trauma, especially my daughter. Every night she would come to my room because she couldn’t sleep. We might’ve been one of the luckier families because we live further from the port, and maybe we would’ve heard a loud noise, and a few things could’ve fallen in the house, but we were devastated. We felt depressed, sad, overwhelmed, and we’re not sure if we as Lebanese can get out of it anytime soon. Especially those who lost their loved ones.
Sometimes, I put myself in the place of a sister or mother who lost someone and couldn’t imagine how they felt. Still, till today, we don’t know the reason, which makes it even harder being in the unknown.
What happened makes me extremely sad. My family has an American passport, and we have the opportunity of leaving and living a peaceful life, but we choose to stay in Lebanon because we love it so much. That’s why we haven’t been able to leave, but it feels like we’ve been ‘surviving’ to live every day.
I fell into a very deep depression. I was so sad about what happened to Beirut. Beirut has been known for its beauty, which is why it’s such a shame to see it demolished like this.
When looking back at August 4th, it reminds me how 2020 as a whole was one of my darkest years. In my entire life, I’ve never experienced a year like it. I had personal issues, asides from what was happening in the world, from Covid to the financial crisis in Lebanon that has destroyed our self-esteem. My brother passed within that year, only at the age of 42. I felt like I couldn’t even pick myself up from one thing, then something else would happen.
The pain is really big, and I feel for everyone. I feel like I was lucky because I was able to see my brother before he passed, but the people who lost someone on August 4th weren’t able to say goodbye to their loved ones. Many parents weren’t able to find their children; there were body pieces everywhere – it was very, very hard.
It hurts and burns; this situation is devastating—I send my condolences to those who lost someone and all of us who lost something that day.
Regarding the future of Lebanon, I’m not optimistic about it. It’s destroyed. I feel like it’s bleeding, crying, yearning, and maybe breathing it’s last breathe. It hurts, especially if you really love your country and believe in it.
Nothing has passed on Lebanon like this. Everyone’s self-esteem is shot, and most Lebanese people are just living to survive. I don’t see a solution anytime soon; all we can do is leave it to the man above.”
