Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week Australia – that sartorially-charged, vivacious, all-encompassing beast – roared to its spectacular close this week, and nothing quantifies #MBFWA more than the crude and lewd utterances of the style set whom attend it. Sweet nothings for some, for us, the inane observations, quips and comments that escape sulky show-goers and wannabes alike truly define the most fashionable week on the sartorial calendar. Those cumulative hours spent in waiting at Fashion Week often result in some pretty spectacular moments that otherwise go undocumented; unless, that is, someone is taking notes of the outrageous things people say when they think no one is listening.

Here, in fashion parlance, a glimpse at the real Australian Fashion Week.

Eloquence at its very best.

at an unnamed show, between editors
“Literally everyone has been invited. Even the bin chickens.”

at carriageworks, an editor to a booker about the after-party
“Are you having a big one tonight?”
“Babe, I’ve had a big one every single day. I was drinking alone at Frankies at 4pm on a Wednesday listening to Metallica.”

at carriageworks, an influencer to a PR after being at a show on oxford st, paddington
“I’m so sorry we’re late. The car dropped us in the middle of nowhere.”

at an unnamed show, an influencer to an editor
“I’m sorry, you can’t expect to me watch a show about f*cking flowers and not have alcohol for me.”

before a show, a stylist to an editor 
“See, that outfit would be so good if it was two sizes bigger.”

outside aje, an editor to an influencer they’re about to interview
“You smell like a brewery.”

at carriageworks, an irate stylist to a colleague about not having access to the “star bar” (free drinks)
“I’m sorry, where’s my star? I need to go the bar.”
“It’s 10am.”
“Yeah, and?”

at aje, a host to an influencer
“OK, so this is live, so no f-bombs.”
“So no [expletive starting with ‘C’]?”

after justin cassin, an editor
“The VIP section was literally worse than the Dee Why RSL. It smelt like a dirty foot and you had to buy your own Wolfblass and drink it out of plastic cup.”

before a morning show, between influencers
“Are you drunk?”
“Babe, I’ve been drunk all week.”

at carla zampatti, between editors
“Omg, she’s meant to be in row 4. Why is she sitting here?”

at bondi born at totti’s, a famished editor to waitstaff  
“Um, excuse me, why are you taking the bread away?”

outside an unnamed show, between influencers
“They asked to dress me. I’d rather wear a bin liner.”

at alice mccall, during seating
“Swap the name tags. I don’t want to sit next to her.”

at bondi born at totti’s, an editor to a colleague
“Doll, calm down, we’re at Totti’s. Not Cipriani”

at carriageworks, an influencer to a new friend
“You have literally been the only good thing about this whole week.”

in a clandestine nook backstage, between beauty editors 
“Shit, I have to hide. This PR has been stalking me for a week.”

at ten pieces, between editors
“She’s wearing tulle to Iceberg’s. I can’t.”

at an unnamed show following a tech malfunction, an editor about a pr
“Omg she is literally going to throw her assistant against a wall after that.”

after justin cassin, between editors
“I felt like I was at Listen Out festival 2014.”

walking into ten pieces, a photographer to a stylist
“Mate, you’re wearing the same thing again!”
“Yeah, I don’t wear the fashion. I create the fashion.”