Dear Met Gala,
Remember me? It’s been a while. Exactly one year, in fact. One year since you graced me with your presence – your dramatic, extravagant and oh-so wondrous presence – and how I’ve longed for you. Oh, how I’ve missed you so.
But this year, sadly, it’s not to be. With your steely but stylish matriarch making the brave but inevitable call to “postpone you to a later date”, the first Monday in May is not “our day” this year. Like so many other major events around the world cancelled due to this insidious Coronavirus, it comes as no surprise that you too have fallen in its wake. So this makes me miss you even more.
I’ll miss Lady Gaga in metres and metres of hot pink Brandon Maxwell taffeta, a bustle so big and platform boots so high she needed numerous aids to usher her in – even pick her up off the floor.
I’ll miss Jared Leto holding Jared Leto in a red diamanté encrusted Gucci gown, his prosthetic but handsome head Alessandro Michele’s creepy yet creative ode to the medieval cephalophores he’s so obsessed with.
I’ll miss Kim Kardashian, well, being Kim Kardashian. Ignoring all Met Gala themes but making sure to show off booty, bust and waist – a waist so small it was as if she’d been photoshopped in 2019 (but alas, in real life the incredulous waist was real thanks to Mugler and some serious body sculpting). I’ll also miss Mr Kim Kardashian, forever sour by her side.
I’ll miss Cardi B being the ultimate Met sport in Thom Browne’s unforgettable oxblood red feathered gown that needed an entire entourage just to keep it up.
I’ll miss Madonna make everyone weak at the knees in 2016 in an ass-less, breast-less Givenchy bondage ensemble, then bow down to her in 2018 in a part-gothic, part-ecclesiastical Jean Paul Gaultier gown.
But I’ll miss Rihanna challenge Madonna’s holy throne the same year in a pious Pope-like creation by John Galliano for Maison Margiela that made the Vatican quickly race to confession.
I’ll also miss Rihanna flocking to me like a fabulously fashionable Big Bird in Guo Pei’s canary yellow fur and velvet brocade, a train so spectacular it slunk on me with perfection.
And her Commes des Garçon confection in 2017. I think I’ll just miss Rihanna full stop.
I’ll miss Katy Perry thinking she was a chandelier, not a chanteuse in 2019, and an angel not attendee in 2018.
I’ll miss queen of fashion Sarah Jessica Parker regain her throne – quite literally – in 2018, wearing a real-life Neapolitan nativity scene on her head by Dolce Alta Moda that defied gravity (and traditional transport). I’ll also miss her breathtaking black and white Oscar de la Renta gown in 2014, pure haute perfection.
I’ll miss Blake Lively being a true fashion royal in 2018 in a jewel-encrusted, rich red brocade Versace gown with dramatic train that took 600 hours to make (did someone say Queen?).
I’ll miss Beyoncé arriving in nothing but precariously placed diamonds in 2018, deliciously bootylicious. But I’ll probably miss sister Solange attacking her husband Jay Z in an elevator post-Met Gala 2014 even more (one of the most salacious Met scandals I’ve ever been witness to).
I’ll miss Frances McDormand being the boss she is in Maison Valentino feathers.
I’ll miss Zendaya forever championing strong women: from Cinderella in a light-up gown by Tommy Hilfiger to Catholicism’s Maid of Orléans, Joan of Arc, in armoured Versace.
I’ll miss the one, the only, the Billy Porter in couture so utterly fabulous it makes any red carpet seem rudimentary. Like the time he arrived on foot – the feet of six beautifully brutish, topless men in gold pants and gilt face veils – like a beacon glimmering in the night, the camp-est Pharaoh I ever did see.
In truth, I’ll miss it all, so so very much. But as the saying going, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Today, this platitude couldn’t ring truer, but I know you will be back even more brilliant, more outrageous, more over blown than ever before.
So until next year dear fashion friend…stay frivolous, fantastical and fabulous. I shall be here waiting. And considering this year’s theme, “About Time”, it seems fitting don’t you think?
The Steps of the MET
All image credits: Getty Images