Friendships can be fragile, even those that have lasted for years. According to sociologists, two words that we often use without thinking can be particularly destructive. As Cosmopolitan reports, these friendship-breaking words are “busy” and “soon.” Commonly used as excuses, phrases like “Sorry, I can’t go out this weekend, I’m busy” or “Don’t worry, we’ll see each other soon” can silently erode the foundation of any friendship.
Why These Two Words Are Harmful to a Friendship
At first glance, saying you’re “busy” or promising to hang out “soon” may seem innocent. However, when used frequently, these friendship-breaking words can indicate a lack of commitment to the friendship. Friendship expert Shasta Nelson told HuffPost, “We live in a world where calling ourselves busy means that we’re prioritizing all sorts of tasks, events, expectations, or other relationships over our friendships.” Nelson adds, “A friendship can’t remain healthy, fulfilling, and intimate if one or both people aren’t taking the time to nurture it.”
Sociologist Jan Yager, who has extensively researched friendships, agrees. She explains, “The term ‘busy’ excludes people. The person hears, ‘I’m too busy for you.'” This is problematic because saying you’re busy or continually postponing plans is an avoidance strategy. It’s a roundabout way of saying ‘no,’ which chips away at the consistency vital for maintaining a healthy friendship. “Lack of time is the number one complaint I hear from women about their friendships,” notes Shasta Nelson.
How to Avoid Ruining a Friendship
So, how can you avoid these friendship-breaking words? If you genuinely care about a friendship, you should strive to make time for it. Jan Yager advises, “Even if you’re only seeing each other in a few days, weeks, or months, you want to show concretely that you’re never too busy for this person because they are important and their friendship with you is important.”
However, it’s essential that this effort comes naturally. “Even if we love our friends, almost everyone has other obligations that come first,” admits Yager. The key is balance. The sociologist recommends having an honest discussion with friends about your time constraints. Transparency helps manage expectations and ensures that everyone understands each other’s availability, without resorting to the detrimental “busy” or “soon.”
While “busy” and “soon” might seem like harmless excuses, they are friendship-breaking words that can significantly harm your relationships. By making a conscious effort to avoid these terms and directly addressing your time constraints with friends, you can preserve the health and intimacy of your friendships. Put in the effort, be honest, and remember that nurturing friendships is a crucial part of a fulfilling life.
**Ces deux mots anodins peuvent suffire à détruire une amitié, selon des sociologues avisés**
This article first appeared on grazia.fr – Author: Luce Picat
