If your group chat had a swear jar for every “You are too sensitive” or “You are overreacting,” you would be in the Hermès section by the weekend. These phrases land so casually across dinner tables and Slack threads that you almost feel needy for noticing how much they sting.

Psychologists have another name for them when they show up on repeat: gaslighting. Merriam-Webster defines it as a form of psychological manipulation that makes you question your perception of reality. When these comments become a pattern, not a one-off bad mood, they can morph from rude to emotionally abusive. Below, six phrases experts flag again and again – and scripts that help you respond without losing yourself.

What Gaslighting Really Is (And Isnt)

Gaslighting is not just someone disagreeing with you. The American Psychological Association describes it as a pattern in which one person distorts facts, feelings or evidence so consistently that the other starts doubting their own memory, sanity or judgment. The term comes from the classic film Gaslight, where a husband literally dims the lights then insists his wife is imagining it.

Healthline and other US mental health outlets point out a few common side effects: anxiety, chronic self-doubt and feeling like you are “walking on eggshells” around the other person. You may catch yourself running your reality past friends to check you are not “crazy,” apologising constantly, or feeling strangely dependent on the very person who keeps dismissing you.

From Emotional Invalidation To Gaslighting

Before it becomes full-blown gaslighting, there is often a long stretch of emotional invalidation – those everyday lines that tell you your feelings are wrong, silly or excessive. Neuropsychologist Nawal Mustafa notes that statements which erase another person’s feelings send the message that they, and their inner world, do not matter. “Those invalidating declarations can make someone feel unimportant,” Mustafa says.

Psychotherapist Amy Lewis Bear and others point out that some people do this because they are deeply uncomfortable with their own emotions. Others use it more strategically, to shift shame and power back onto you. When dismissive phrases join forces with reality-twisting ones – “That never happened,” “You are remembering it wrong” – you have crossed into gaslighting territory.

Six Gaslighting Phrases And How To Respond

Therapists writing in outlets like Psychology Today, Healthline and Fatherly highlight the same cluster of phrases again and again. Think of the scripts below as options, not obligations. If you ever feel unsafe, your priority is getting support, not winning the argument.

Phrase One: “Youre Just Being Too Sensitive”

This one reframes your hurt as a personality flaw instead of a signal that something happened. It is especially common for women and marginalized people who are already branded “dramatic.”

• “My feelings are valid, even if you do not share them. I need you to listen rather than label me.”
• “Please talk about what I did, not about how sensitive you think I am.”

Phrase Two: “That Never Happened”

Here, the goal is not to disagree with your interpretation, but to rewrite the entire event. Over time this can make you question your memory and lean on the gaslighter as the official historian of your life.

• “I remember it differently, and I trust my memory of what was said.”
• “If we keep recalling things differently, we should start putting important agreements in writing.”

Phrase Three: “Youre Remembering It Wrong”

This is the softer cousin of “That never happened,” often wrapped in concern: “Are you sure you are not mixing things up?” It sounds caring while quietly undercutting your grip on reality.

• “Our memories do not match, but I feel confident about mine.”
• “If this is a pattern, I would like us to document plans so we both stay clear.”

Phrase Four: “Youre Overreacting”

Translation: your emotion is the problem, not their behavior. Good Housekeeping’s experts note this as classic emotional invalidation that, repeated, can slide into gaslighting, especially when paired with a refusal to discuss the original issue.

• “It might not feel big to you, but it matters to me.”
• “We can take a break, but telling me I am overreacting shuts down the real conversation.”

Phrase Five: “I Was Just Joking”

Here, criticism or cruelty gets recast as humor so you look uptight for objecting. Fatherly’s therapists see this a lot around digs at appearance, intelligence or mental health.

• “Jokes are fun when everybody is laughing. That one felt hurtful, not funny.”
• “When you hide criticism inside ‘jokes,’ it makes it hard for me to trust you.”

Phrase Six: “Youre Crazy”

This is the nuclear option: pathologise the other person so their perspective can be dismissed to their face and behind their back. It weaponises mental health stigma and can be terrifying if you already struggle with anxiety or depression.

• “Calling me crazy is insulting and shuts the conversation down. If you want to talk, speak to me respectfully.”
• “You may disagree with me, but that does not make me unstable.”

When Responding Isnt Enough

Gaslighting sits on the spectrum of emotional abuse. If these phrases show up alongside threats, monitoring your phone or finances, breaking objects, coercive sex or controlling who you see, do not waste energy crafting the perfect comeback. Focus on safety.

• Reach out to a trusted friend, therapist or mentor and describe the pattern plainly.
• Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline for confidential support and safety planning.
• If this is happening at work, document incidents and speak with HR or a trusted manager about formal options.
• In a crisis or if you feel you might harm yourself, call or text 988 in the US.

Relearning To Trust Yourself After Gaslighting

After enough “You are overreacting” and “You are remembering it wrong,” many people start doing the gaslighter’s job for them, questioning every feeling before it is even expressed. Some psychologists call this self-gaslighting. It can follow you long after the relationship ends.

Countering that starts small: writing down your version of events, asking emotionally safe friends, “Does this reaction make sense to you?”, working with a therapist who understands trauma and coercive control. Above all, remember that disagreeing with someone, feeling hurt or wanting respect does not make you sensitive, dramatic or crazy. It makes you human – and you are allowed to believe your own story.