It’s one of the most common—and most damaging—tools in the manipulator’s arsenal. Gaslighting, defined as psychological destabilisation through distortion of reality, has been named the Merriam-Webster online American dictionary’s “word of the year” for 2022.
Favoured by manipulators and narcissistic predators, this emotional manipulation technique is dangerously effective. Understanding gaslighting involves exploring its emotional mechanics and the devastating consequences it can have on relationships.
Gaslighting functions by making someone feel disoriented, uncertain, and doubtful of what they have seen, experienced, or done. Manipulators use this questioning of reality as a powerful move to weaken their targets. It appears not only in romantic or friendship settings but also in professional contexts, politics, and media.
Jeffrey Bernstein, professor and author, explains in an article published on Psychology Today how to recognise four commonly used gaslighting phrases designed to cause emotional imbalance, and provides effective strategies for counteracting them. “Gaslighters,” he writes, “employ specific expressions to control the narrative and undermine your sense of reality—including in romantic relationships, friendships, or workplaces. Here are four of the most frequent gaslighting statements, along with what you can say in response to reclaim your power.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
Among the typically undermining phrases manipulators leverage is the classic, “You’re too sensitive,” or “You’re exaggerating.” Manipulators use this tactic to dismiss and invalidate a person’s emotions, especially when confronted about their own damaging or toxic actions.
When they’ve said or done something hurtful, they attempt to make the other person believe that their feelings are exaggerated. As a result, they may make the person think they’re imagining negativity where there isn’t any.
Invalidating someone’s emotions and perceptions is deeply dangerous—it leads victims to lose their self-confidence entirely. To protect oneself from these harmful effects, Bernstein advises clearly affirming and protecting your emotional rights.
For instance, one might say, “I have the right to feel hurt; please acknowledge and respect my emotions.” Bernstein explains, “This response makes it explicitly clear that your feelings are valid and minimising them is unacceptable.”
“That never happened.”
Similarly, manipulators will quickly attempt to unsettle their targets by outright denying the reality of past events. Their motive? To rewrite history and cause the other person to question their own memory and judgement. If doubt takes hold of the victim’s mind, the manipulator can more easily impose their own version of events, damaging their target’s self-esteem and grip on reality.
Bernstein recommends standing firm in this scenario by calmly asserting your version of events—even suggesting perhaps there has been a misunderstanding. The aim is confidently presenting your perspective without harbouring doubt. “Why this works: instead of falling into a pointless argument, this approach asserts your confidence in your memory, while leaving room for healthy conversation,” he explains.
“You’re overthinking this.”
Invalidating emotions to isolate and destabilize is a common manipulative tactic that causes confusion and emotional harm to the victim. Consequently, this approach can cause immense psychological harm. They constantly try to deflect and trivialise genuine worry rather than addressing concerns sincerely. It is therefore essential to assert your viewpoint and your feelings confidently.
Trusting your intuition and affirming that thinking deeply and feeling sincerely are valuable assets allows you to define boundaries. In turn, this helps you shut down manipulation attempts and ultimately exit toxic relationships.
“Everyone agrees with me.”
Manipulators often isolate their victims by insinuating that friends and family are against them. For example, they may say, “Everyone else agrees you’re overly emotional.” Bernstein insists that one should not fall into this tactic. Instead, proactively talk to friends directly and verify their viewpoint personally.
He suggests replying confidently, affirming that your emotions are valid. Additionally, he advises speaking directly to others to confirm their opinions. “This type of response prevents you from being drawn into imaginary group opinions, and focuses the conversation back on your own perspective,” advises the expert.
Ultimately, by setting clear emotional boundaries and rebuilding your self-confidence and trust in your perspective, you can fend off these four insidious manipulation strategies. As Bernstein concludes, “If someone consistently invalidates your emotions, limit your emotional investment in them. Seek an outside perspective. Talk to trusted friends or a therapist to gain clarity on the situation.”
**4 Phrases Insidieuses Utilisées Par Les Manipulateurs Pour Semer Le Doute Dans Votre Esprit**
This article first appeared on psychologies.com – Author: Olivia Bokhobza
