Milan Fashion Week – that sartorially-charged, vivacious, all-encompassing beast – roared to its spectacular close this week, and nothing quantifies #MFW more than the crude and lewd utterances of the style set whom attend it. Sweet nothings for some, for us, the inane observations, quips and comments that escape sulky show-goers and wannabes alike truly define the most fashionable week on the sartorial calendar. Those cumulative hours spent in waiting often result in some pretty spectacular moments that otherwise go undocumented; unless, that is, someone is taking notes of the outrageous things people say when they think no one is listening.

Here, in fashion parlance, a glimpse at the real Milan Fashion Week.

Eloquence at its very best.

MILAN, ITALY – SEPTEMBER 20: Mandy Bork and Karin Teigl poses outside the Sportmax show during Milan Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2020 on September 20, 2019 in Milan, Italy. (Photo by Jeremy Moeller/Getty Images)

a Pr, outside Hugo boss
“I’m actually fat and ugly.”

at the Bulgari x vogue Japan party
Editor: “Oh my God, it’s raining!”
Relative of the British Royal Family: “No, it’s not. I just spit a lot when I talk.”

an influencer, said in thick Italian accent, outside fendi 
“She’s fat now, no?” 

an editor about an influencer, outside gucci
Oh my God, is she wearing a two-tone suit?

an influencer about another influencer outside max mara
“I wanted to wear that [redacted] belt. I can’t believe they loaned it to her.”

an editor, outside gucci
“I can’t handle how tragic these people are here.”

a pr talking to an unnamed Australian influencer 
“Melbourne’s really ahead of the curve, isn’t it?”

two editors waiting for a taxi
“everyone here is so F*cking annoying, i don’t know why i continue to come.”

a pr talking to an influencer
“If you’re not the mafia in Italy, I mean, why bother? I wouldn’t want to move here unless I was shady.”

a pr to an editor at il salumaio di montenapoleone,  between shows
“who is she? she’s stunning. Is there a Shazam for supermodels?”

an australian influencer to an editor
“Are you joking? As if I would go to dolce.”

an editor about a property tycoon before gucci
“he would have to be at least 50 years older than her.”

an influencer about another influencer, outside fendi
“She’s really large in real life.”

two European influencers about two foreign influencers, outside sportmax 
“Who do they think they are? They’re just ugly and short and fat.”

two editors posing for content, before max mara
“We are so tragic.”

an editor about an influencer, outside dolce and gabbana
I wish the brim of her bucket was twice the size so I don’t have to see her face.”

MILAN, ITALY – SEPTEMBER 19: Doutzen Kroes and Candice Swanepoel poses outside the Max Mara show during Milan Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2020 on September 19, 2019 in Milan, Italy. (Photo by Jeremy Moeller/Getty Images)