LOS ANGELES, CA – SEPTEMBER 17: (L-R) Chrissy Teigen and John Legend attend Hulu’s 2018 Emmy Party at Nomad Hotel Los Angeles on September 17, 2018 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Presley Ann/Getty Images for Hulu)

A month after the loss of her third child, a son called Jack, Chrissy Teigen has penned an emotional essay about the heartbreaking experience, sharing it to Medium overnight. Titled simply ‘Hi’, Teigen begins the piece by writing that she knew she’d want to share the pain and trauma her and her family has been through publicly at some point, but wasn’t sure when she’d feel ready.

“I didn’t really know how I would start this, no matter the room or state I was in, but it feels right to begin with a thank you,” she began. “For weeks, our floors have been covered in flowers of kindness. Notes have flooded in and have each been read with our own teary eyes. Social media messages from strangers have consumed my days, most starting with, ‘you probably won’t read this, but…’. I can assure you, I did.”

https://www.instagram.com/p/CFyWQLWpJ3u/

Teigen went on to explain in detail – which will make the hairs on your arms stand up, a well sit in the pit of your stomach and, very likely, tears be brought to your eyes  – about what happened to her in the hospital and the immense, almost unsurvivable pain of knowing you’re going to be delivering what you thought would be the fifth member of your family, a baby that hadn’t survived.

These parts are best read in full here.

Teigen also wrote that she knows about the backlash to the very personal photos she shared the day after losing Jack. She wrote, “I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me.”

She continued, “I feel bad our grief was so public because I made the joy so public. I was excited to share our news with the world. Stories leading up to this had been chronicled for all. It’s hard to look at them now. I was so positive it would be okay. I feel bad that I made you all feel bad. I always will.”

“But the moments of kindness have been nothing short of beautiful. I went to a store where the checkout lady quietly added flowers to my cart. Sometimes people will approach me with a note. The worst part is knowing there are so many women that won’t get these quiet moments of joy from strangers. I beg you to please share your stories and to please be kind to those pouring their hearts out. Be kind in general, as some won’t pour them out at all.”

You can read Teigen’s entire essay here.

thoughts?