News feed
Image: Chrissy Teigen via Instagram
Her Twitter feed is a stream of witty one-liners and hilarious observations, and her glamorous appearances at the Grammys and the Oscars made headlines. Chrissy Teigen seems like the last person you’d expect to be struggling with depression, but the model and TV host has revealed she’s been battling just that.
In an essay for US Glamour, the 31-year-old wife of John Legend has written in detail about having post-natal depression following the birth of her and Legend’s first child, daughter Luna, in April last year. Although as she writes, Teigen wasn’t diagnosed with the condition until December and didn’t believe she had PND.
“[I associated post-natal depression] with people who didn’t like their babies or felt like they had to harm their children,” she wrote. “I didn’t have anything remotely close to those feelings. I looked at Luna every day, amazed by her.”
But the Sports Illustrated model knew something was wrong, as physical pain, exhaustion and dark moods plagued her.
“Getting out of bed to get to set on time was painful. My lower back throbbed; my shoulders—even my wrists—hurt. I didn’t have an appetite. I would go two days without a bite of food, and you know how big of a deal food is for me.
“I couldn’t figure out why I was so unhappy. I blamed it on being tired and possibly growing out of the role: ‘Maybe I’m just not a goofy person anymore. Maybe I’m just supposed to be a mum’”.
At the worst point of her depression, Chrissy says she rarely left the house and often slept on the couch because she didn’t have the strength to walk upstairs.
“Most days were spent on the exact same spot on the couch and rarely would I muster up the energy to make it upstairs for bed.”
Image: Getty
But in a tribute to the love of her husband, she reveals Legend would often sleep on the couch with her. “John would sleep on the couch with me, sometimes four nights in a row. I started keeping robes and comfy clothes in the pantry so I wouldn’t have to go upstairs when John went to work. There was a lot of spontaneous crying.”
Elaborating on the support of the Love Me Now singer, she continued:
“I know he must look over at times and think: ‘My God, get it together’. But he has never made me feel that way. He wants me to be happy, silly, and energetic again, but he’s not making me feel bad when I’m not in that place.”
The Lip Sync Battle host explained that a visit to the doctor trying to find a solution to her various ailments eventually revealed that she had post-natal depression.
“I was so tired of being in pain. Of sleeping on the couch. Of waking up throughout the night. Of throwing up. Of taking things out on the wrong people. Of not enjoying life. Of not seeing my friends. Of not having the energy to take my baby for a stroll. My doctor pulled out a book and started listing symptoms. And I was like, ‘Yep, yep, yep.’ I got my diagnosis: postpartum depression and anxiety. (The anxiety explains some of my physical symptoms.)”
She began taking an anti-depressant and has seen a big improvement, but wanted to write the letter to hopefully help other women to not feel ashamed about PND.
Chrissy also acknowledged the guilt she feels for being depressed when she has such a fortunate life compared to many others.
“I just didn’t think it could happen to me. I have a great life. I have all the help I could need: John, my mother, a nanny. But postpartum does not discriminate. I couldn’t control it. And that’s part of the reason it took me so long to speak up: I felt selfish, icky, and weird saying aloud that I’m struggling. Sometimes I still do.”
Teigen continued the conversation on Twitter with her signature humour and down-to-earth style, writing “All of a sudden everyone’s “how are you!” turns to “how arrrrrre you??????”.
Chrissy and John have been together for more than a decade, and tied the knot in 2013.
Image: Chrissy Teigen via Instagram
