{"id":117052,"date":"2026-10-04T10:13:17","date_gmt":"2026-10-04T14:13:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/graziamagazine.com\/us\/articles\/people-with-high-distress-tolerance-always-say-these-6-phrases-do-you-actually-use-them-too\/"},"modified":"2026-10-04T10:13:17","modified_gmt":"2026-10-04T14:13:17","slug":"people-with-high-distress-tolerance-always-say-these-6-phrases-do-you-actually-use-them-too","status":"publish","type":"articles","link":"https:\/\/graziamagazine.com\/us\/articles\/people-with-high-distress-tolerance-always-say-these-6-phrases-do-you-actually-use-them-too\/","title":{"rendered":"People With High Distress Tolerance Always Say These 6 Phrases \u2014 Do You Actually Use Them Too?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Your group chat is melting down, your boss is typing in all caps, there is a leak in your ceiling… and somehow you are calmly loading the dishwasher. If chaos is your natural habitat, you might not be \u201cemotionless\u201d \u2013 you might just have sky-high distress tolerance<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Psychologist Matthew Tull describes distress tolerance as your ability to sit with emotional discomfort without doing something that secretly makes the situation worse. People who are good at this develop a very specific inner script. When life gets messy, the same six phrases tend to pop up \u2013 out loud or in their head \u2013 and each one reveals something about how they ride out the storm.<\/p>\n

What Distress Tolerance Really Is<\/h2>\n

Distress tolerance is not about being \u201cfine\u201d all the time. It is the capacity to feel anxious, sad, furious or terrified and still stay inside your window of tolerance \u2013 that zone where you can think, make decent decisions and avoid self-sabotage.<\/p>\n

In dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), created by psychologist Marsha Linehan, distress tolerance is a whole skill set next to mindfulness and emotion regulation<\/a>. The goal is simple: survive intense moments without impulsive moves like rage-texting your ex, quitting your job in an email, or draining a bottle of wine.<\/p>\n

People with low distress tolerance panic, numb out or escape. People with high distress tolerance feel many of the same emotions, but they use tiny mental phrases as anchors. Here are the six you will hear from them most often.<\/p>\n

Six Phrases People With High Distress Tolerance Say In Hard Times<\/h2>\n

“It Could Be Worse”<\/h3>\n

On paper, it sounds flippant. In reality, it is perspective. Someone who has lived through serious illness or real loss tends to rank today\u2019s nightmare meeting a little differently. Comparing to past storms keeps them from catastrophizing.<\/p>\n

The catch: this phrase can quietly minimize genuine pain. If every bad date, hostile workplace or hurtful comment gets brushed off with \u201cit could be worse,\u201d you risk staying in situations that are far below what you deserve. Try adding a second sentence: \u201cIt could be worse\u2026 and it is still allowed to hurt.\u201d<\/p>\n

“I Can Get Through This”<\/h3>\n

This is the pep talk version of distress tolerance. DBT calls it self-soothing \u2013 talking to yourself with the same tone you would use on a friend who is falling apart. You remember other crises you survived, and borrow that evidence.<\/p>\n

It is not toxic positivity; it is self-efficacy<\/a>. The subtext is, \u201cThis is awful, and I trust myself to handle it somehow.\u201d If that feels like a stretch, soften it: \u201cI can get through the next ten minutes.\u201d Short windows count.<\/p>\n

“It Is What It Is”<\/h3>\n

Here you are in radical acceptance<\/a> territory. Picture a circle of control: inside are emails you can send, appointments you can make, boundaries you can set. Outside are other people\u2019s choices, the past, the weather, the diagnosis.<\/p>\n

Saying \u201cit is what it is\u201d does not mean you approve. It means you are not spending precious energy arguing with reality. That frees you to move from \u201cwhy is this happening\u201d to \u201cwhat can I actually do, given that it is.\u201d<\/p>\n

“I Need To Take A Breath”<\/h3>\n

People with high distress tolerance are ruthless about inserting a pause. In DBT, there is a tool called STOP: Stop, Take a step back, Observe, Proceed mindfully. That first breath is the hinge between \u201cI almost sent that text\u201d and \u201cI am so glad I did not send that text.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sometimes it is literally one slow inhale in a bathroom stall. Sometimes it is a quick walk around the block, splashing cold water on your face, or stepping outside of a crowded room. Change your body, and your feelings start to shift too.<\/p>\n

“This Feeling Will Pass”<\/h3>\n

Emotions peak like waves, then recede. Distress-tolerant people remind themselves of that timing, especially when anxiety or grief feels endless. Naming it \u2013 \u201cthis is panic,\u201d \u201cthis is shame\u201d \u2013 and remembering it will crest in minutes helps them ride it instead of fight it.<\/p>\n

That does not magically erase the problem. It just separates the crisis of the situation from the crisis of the feeling. Once the wave is lower, you can choose your next move instead of acting on the most urgent impulse.<\/p>\n

“I Do Not Have To Fix Everything Right Now”<\/h3>\n

High distress tolerance often looks like refusing urgency. Rather than sprinting to solve all twelve problems immediately, these people mentally sort: what is on fire, what is smoking, what can wait until after lunch.<\/p>\n

That might mean paying the parking ticket today and leaving the break-up conversation for therapy tomorrow. It is not avoidance. It is sequencing \u2013 and it is one of the quietest forms of self-protection.<\/p>\n

Quick Self-Check: Do You Have High Distress Tolerance<\/h2>\n

You do not need a formal assessment to get curious. In the last month, how often have you:<\/p>\n