{"id":113147,"date":"2026-07-01T12:31:02","date_gmt":"2026-07-01T12:31:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/graziamagazine.com\/us\/articles\/akanksha-chamola-says-she-has-no-maternal-instinct-inside-the-psychology-behind-her-divorce\/"},"modified":"2026-07-01T12:31:02","modified_gmt":"2026-07-01T12:31:02","slug":"akanksha-chamola-says-she-has-no-maternal-instinct-inside-the-psychology-behind-her-divorce","status":"publish","type":"articles","link":"https:\/\/graziamagazine.com\/us\/articles\/akanksha-chamola-says-she-has-no-maternal-instinct-inside-the-psychology-behind-her-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"Akanksha Chamola Says She Has No ‘Maternal Instinct’\u2014Inside the Psychology Behind Her Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"

The push alert reads like a group-chat confession: Indian TV actor Akanksha Chamola tells a reality show she is divorcing her husband, fellow actor Gaurav Khanna, partly because she does not want children. More precisely, because she never felt what everyone kept promising would eventually appear \u2013 a \u201cmaternal instinct.\u201d<\/p>\n

If you have ever sat through a baby shower thinking, I feel zero urge to be the one opening these onesies<\/em>, her words land like a gut punch and a relief. Is there something wrong with a woman who does not want kids, or who has a baby and does not feel that mythic lightning bolt of love. Psychology\u2019s answer is far more nuanced than the Instagram quote cards suggest.<\/p>\n

Akanksha Chamola\u2019s Choice, In Her Own Words<\/h2>\n

Akanksha and Gaurav married in 2016, the kind of telegenic couple fans assume are contractually obliged to produce equally adorable offspring. On *Lock Upp 2*, she explained that throughout the marriage she never felt any real pull toward motherhood. She was open to seeing if that desire might emerge. It just did not.<\/p>\n

Over time, she realised she was not meant to be a mother and told him that clearly. His own wish for kids, which had been muted early on, grew louder. Eventually their futures pointed in opposite directions. There is no villain here, only two people whose life blueprints stopped matching.<\/p>\n

Strip away the celebrity gloss and it sounds a lot like the quiet conversations happening in Brooklyn walk-ups and suburban kitchens: one partner aching for a baby, the other staring at the same ultrasound image and feeling… nothing.<\/p>\n

So What Is Maternal Instinct Supposed To Be<\/h2>\n

From Animal Reflex To Social Script<\/h3>\n

In biology, an instinct is automatic, universal and hard to switch off \u2013 think of a bird building a nest without ever watching YouTube tutorials. Human mothers simply do not fit that template. `”Maternal love is a mental and social construction,” anthropologist Fran\u00e7oise H\u00e9ritier says.` It is shaped by culture, family stories, religion, economics.<\/p>\n

Historians point out that the ideal of the endlessly devoted mother is relatively recent. From the late eighteenth century, Western societies began treating childhood as a sacred phase and installing mothers as its guardians. Philosopher Elisabeth Badinter argues this \u201cmaternal instinct\u201d was encouraged, in part, because states benefit when women feel morally bound to reproduce and care.<\/p>\n

Desire, Love, And Skill Are Not The Same<\/h3>\n

Part of the confusion is that we cram several different experiences under one phrase. There is the desire to have children at all. There are feelings of love and protectiveness for a specific baby. Then there is the skill of caring \u2013 feeding, soothing, surviving Target on a Saturday. None of these has to arrive automatically, and they do not always travel together.<\/p>\n

Psychologist Maryse Vaillant describes maternal feeling as the result of each woman\u2019s unique psychic journey \u2013 her own childhood, her mother, her relationship with the baby\u2019s father. British analyst Donald Winnicott called the intense, early mental focus on a newborn \u201cprimary maternal preoccupation.\u201d It is a state, not a female default setting.<\/p>\n

What Science Actually Shows About Mothers \u2013 And Non Mothers<\/h2>\n

Biology Changes The Brain, But Context Changes Everything<\/h3>\n

Pregnancy and birth do trigger dramatic hormonal shifts. Oxytocin surges, circuits linked to reward and vigilance rewire, and many new mothers feel an almost physical compulsion to respond to their baby. But even one of the scientists most associated with this work rejects the magic-switch narrative. `”The term instinct is often used wrongly, like a switch you just flip,” anthropologist Sarah Blaffer Hrdy says.`<\/p>\n

Those brain changes depend heavily on environment. Chronic stress, lack of support or trauma can blunt them. Close, hands-on caregiving can spark similar shifts in fathers and adoptive parents, who may see rises in prolactin and dips in testosterone when they are deeply involved. The science points toward a \u201cparental brain,\u201d not a women-only instinct.<\/p>\n

Childfree Women Are Psychologically Normal<\/h3>\n

Research on voluntarily childfree women finds no evidence of some missing empathy chip. Instead, their decision reflects values, histories and priorities \u2013 a preference for different kinds of intimacy or creativity, fears about finances or climate, or simply an absence of that inner \u201cyes\u201d to parenting. Psychology does not classify \u201cI do not want kids\u201d as a disorder.<\/p>\n

Studies with Indian women echo this: many explicitly reject the equation of womanhood with motherhood and build identities around work, friendships, activism or art. They are not anti-child; they just do not want the mother role for themselves.<\/p>\n

When Partners Want Different Futures<\/h2>\n

A Non Negotiable Question In Relationships<\/h3>\n

Therapists will tell you couples can compromise on zip codes and interior design, not on having children. If one partner longs for a baby and the other feels a deep no, there is no tidy middle. Someone either becomes a parent against their wishes or forfeits a life-defining experience. Resentment is almost guaranteed.<\/p>\n

Akanksha and Gaurav\u2019s split is painful precisely because the love was real. Their problem was existential: two valid but incompatible visions of adulthood. Many readers quietly live this stand-off for years, hoping the other person will eventually convert.<\/p>\n

Honesty Hurts \u2013 And Protects Everyone<\/h3>\n

There is a hard kind of tenderness in saying, as Akanksha effectively did, I care about you too much to give you a half-hearted parent for your child<\/em>. Staying and \u201cgiving in\u201d might have produced the picture-perfect family photo, but also a mother seething with regret and a child sensing they were unwanted.<\/p>\n

If you are partnered and uncertain, flag it early. That awkward, sober conversation on date four is kinder than a custody discussion ten years in.<\/p>\n

The Quiet Casualties Of The Maternal Instinct Myth<\/h2>\n

Mothers Who Do Not Feel It Right Away<\/h3>\n

The myth hurts mothers too. A French association that supports struggling new moms estimates at least 10 percent experience serious difficulty bonding, a number they believe is much higher in reality. When culture insists you should be blissful and intuitive, ordinary exhaustion or numbness can feel monstrous.<\/p>\n

`”There are no bad mothers, only mothers blocked by their own history,” psychoanalyst Catherine Vanier says.` Postpartum depression and anxiety often latch onto that shame: If I were a real mother, this would be easy<\/em>. In fact, bonding can take weeks. Sometimes professional help is what allows love to surface.<\/p>\n

Women Who Never Wanted Babies At All<\/h3>\n

Then there are women like Akanksha \u2013 the ones who never felt that inner yes and are tired of being told they will change their minds. They are called selfish, childish, career-obsessed. Dinner parties treat \u201cSo when are you having kids?\u201d as small talk, not an interrogation of someone\u2019s deepest choices.<\/p>\n

The message is clear: caring only counts if it looks like motherhood. Every other form of devotion \u2013 to nieces, students, patients, communities, lovers, art \u2013 is somehow secondary.<\/p>\n

If You Do Not Feel Maternal, Here Is Your Permission Slip<\/h2>\n

If you are pretty sure you do not want children, you are allowed to trust that. You can examine where it comes from with a therapist or a brutally honest friend, but the goal is understanding, not repair. Your worth is not a group project graded by relatives or strangers in your DMs.<\/p>\n

If you already have a baby and feel more overwhelmed than enchanted, that does not disqualify you from being a good mother. Tell your doctor. Ask for help. Let people cook, clean, hold the baby. Maternal feeling is often something you grow into, not a test you either pass in the delivery room or fail forever.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":42690,"featured_media":113146,"template":"","format":"standard","categories":[3914],"yoast_head":"\nAkanksha Chamola Says She Has No 'Maternal Instinct'\u2014Inside the Psychology Behind Her Divorce - Grazia USA<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/graziamagazine.com\/us\/articles\/akanksha-chamola-says-she-has-no-maternal-instinct-inside-the-psychology-behind-her-divorce\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Akanksha Chamola Says She Has No 'Maternal Instinct'\u2014Inside the Psychology Behind Her Divorce\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"The push alert reads like a group-chat confession: Indian TV actor Akanksha Chamola tells a reality show she is divorcing her husband, fellow actor Gaurav Khanna, partly because she does not want children. 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