{"id":101002,"date":"2025-04-05T11:51:24","date_gmt":"2025-04-05T11:51:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/graziamagazine.com\/us\/?post_type=articles&p=101002"},"modified":"2025-04-05T11:51:24","modified_gmt":"2025-04-05T11:51:24","slug":"how-missing-i-love-you-in-childhood-shapes-anxious-attachment","status":"publish","type":"articles","link":"https:\/\/graziamagazine.com\/us\/articles\/how-missing-i-love-you-in-childhood-shapes-anxious-attachment\/","title":{"rendered":"How Missing “I Love You” in Childhood Shapes Anxious Attachment"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Understanding
Photo Credit: Shutterstock<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

When we think about love, those three little words\u2014\u201cI love you\u201d\u2014often pop up. They’re simple yet powerful, and they symbolize a deep affection in any meaningful relationship<\/a>. But is it damaging not to say \u201cI love you\u201d at all? Can it cause anxious attachment in adulthood?<\/p>\n

According to Dr. Quimby, a clinical psychologist, expressing these words can bolster our relationships. \u201cIt helps create a secure attachment style that models future relationships,\u201d<\/em> she told Parade<\/em>. For kids, hearing “I love you” plays a pivotal role in emotional growth and development. \u201cIt boosts their self-confidence and resilience,\u201d<\/em> she added. But what if children don’t hear those words from their parents?<\/p>\n

Growing up in a family that didn’t openly show emotions could lead you to develop specific patterns in adulthood. Psychologists also reveal that missing out on hearing \u201cI love you\u201d as a child can result in traits reflecting emotional disconnect later in life. Dr. Quimby noted, \u201cIf you weren\u2019t told \u2018I love you\u2019 as a child, you might not be comfortable expressing feelings this way.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

Trust Issues<\/strong><\/h2>\n
    \n
  1. Low Self-Esteem<\/strong>: Not hearing \u201cI love you\u201d can foster trust issues persisting into adulthood. Dr. MacBride explains that kids may feel unloved and question, “What’s wrong with me?” This often undermines confidence in pursuing personal goals.<\/li>\n
  2. Difficulty Trusting Others and Expressing Emotions<\/strong>: Without hearing affirmations of love, you might find it hard to share your feelings. \u201cThose not told they were loved might struggle to trust others,\u201d Dr. MacBride noted. They could view emotional expression as insincere.<\/li>\n
  3. A Need for External Validation<\/strong>: The absence of parental \u201cI love you\u2019s\u201d often leads to seeking external validation. Dr. Brandy Smith from Thriveworks<\/em> described this as a constant need for reassurance, questioning self-worth, and seeking affirmation from others. It stems from never feeling truly valued.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
    \"Anxious
    Photo Credit: Shutterstock<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

    Fear of Being Alone<\/strong><\/h2>\n
      \n
    1. Fear of Rejection<\/strong>: Not knowing how your parents felt creates a lasting fear of rejection<\/a>. Dr. McGeehan said, \u201cIf we aren\u2019t convinced we\u2019re loved, we fear others don\u2019t love us either.\u201d<\/em> This fear hinders people from putting themselves out there.<\/li>\n
    2. Tendency Toward Anxiety<\/strong>: Uncertainty about love can lead to fears of loneliness that develop into anxiety or depression<\/a>. Dr. Smith explained how low moods and anxiety stem from feeling unappreciated by loved ones.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
      \"If
      Photo Credit: Shutterstock<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

      Struggles with Boundaries<\/strong><\/h2>\n
        \n
      1. Difficulty Setting Personal Boundaries<\/strong>: When self-worth is in doubt, establishing boundaries becomes a challenge. Dr. Geehan noted that when someone grows up without hearing \u201cI love you,\u201d they may struggle to assert themselves and often try to please others to feel accepted.<\/li>\n
      2. People-Pleasing Behavior<\/strong>: A desire to be agreeable can reflect a deeper need to feel valued. Dr. Smith highlights that the mindset \u201cIf I\u2019m nice enough, I\u2019ll get the love I want\u201d commonly starts in childhood.<\/li>\n
      3. Difficulty Managing Emotions<\/strong>: Growing up in an emotionally distant environment can hinder emotional management. Dr. MacBride said that healthy self-regulation stems from loving relationships. Without this, emotional outbursts become more likely.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

        Understanding anxious attachment can be the key to reshaping how you relate today.<\/p>\n

        **Si on ne vous a jamais dit “je t\u2019aime” \u00e9tant enfant, vous avez probablement d\u00e9velopp\u00e9 ces 8 traits \u00e0 l\u2019\u00e2ge adulte**<\/b><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

        This article first appeared on aufeminin \u2013 Author: Laura Willinger<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":42697,"featured_media":101004,"template":"","format":"standard","categories":[16,2723],"yoast_head":"\nHow Missing "I Love You" in Childhood Shapes Anxious Attachment<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Anxious attachment can develop when "I love you" goes unsaid in childhood. 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