{"id":44465,"date":"2023-12-05T16:40:39","date_gmt":"2023-12-05T12:40:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/graziamagazine.com\/?post_type=articles&p=241125"},"modified":"2023-12-05T13:17:05","modified_gmt":"2023-12-05T09:17:05","slug":"hell-hath-no-fury-an-exploration-of-female-rage","status":"publish","type":"articles","link":"https:\/\/graziamagazine.com\/me\/articles\/hell-hath-no-fury-an-exploration-of-female-rage\/","title":{"rendered":"Rage Against The Machine: An Exploration Of Female Rage"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"female-rage-story\"
Hell Hath No Fury: An Exploration Of Female Rage Pictured: Luisa Strozzi and Alessandro de Medici, by Alessandro Focosi (1836-1869). Milan, Pinacoteca Di Brera (Art Gallery, Paintings) (Photo by DeAgostini\/Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Rage is a response. Like a flame that whips itself from smoke to spark to a raging inferno, it clouds my vision and wells in my eyes. It\u2019s the clench in my jaw and the terminal tension in my shoulders. With a taut smile fixed on my mug, though, it\u2019s hardly recognisable \u2013 anger in women seldom is. But the thing that fuses rage with fire is that it can swallow us, or, when mobilised, aid our survival.<\/p>\n

Data from global research firm Gallup<\/a>, collated from over 150 countries across a decade, tells us that women are only getting angrier. And as Jennifer Cox, a London-based psychotherapist and founder of Women Are Mad<\/em><\/a>, explains, this anger in women is chronically misunderstood.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is the \u2018hysteria\u2019 of the modern age,\u201d she says. \u201cAlbeit, it\u2019s highly camouflaged.\u201d<\/p>\n

In her work, however, Cox sees firsthand how ignoring these feelings when they arise, quashing them down like a secret, only does further damage.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnger is energy,\u201d she says. \u201cIt finds a way of seeping out.\u201d<\/p>\n

For many of us, tracing our anger is like searching for salt in the ocean. It\u2019s so richly laced in how we move through the world that it can\u2019t always be discerned. As Cox explains, it\u2019s something we\u2019re destined to grapple with.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe problem begins before we\u2019re born, with all the projections that are heaped onto what a \u2018girl\u2019 should be,\u201d she says. \u201cThen we learn to be the polite little girl, we learn to care, we learn to prioritise others, and we learn to be quiet and kind.\u201d<\/p>\n

In adulthood, the onus of being a woman sees us confounded \u2013 we realise, slowly and relentlessly, that we\u2019ve been sold a lie.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe are told that we can \u2018have it all\u2019, but the reality is very different,\u201d says Cox. \u201cThe expectation, and the pressure on us to be everything, is immense.\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s enough to make us very, very angry. But we don\u2019t typically call it anger, she explains.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe don\u2019t have any vocabulary for naming it. Instead, we jump to label ourselves \u2018sick\u2019 in some way.\u201d<\/p>\n

Soraya Chemaly, author of Rage Becomes Her<\/em><\/a>, explains how our anger seeds from this grievance. But it\u2019s a vehicle for our emotions that, as quickly as we can catch it, is conditioned out of women.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnger is the language of injustice,\u201d says Chemaly. \u201cWe teach girls to divert and suppress their anger, socialising it out of them as a mode of expression.<\/p>\n

\u201cWomen are taught to just give, give everything, take care of everybody. Take care of the people around them, and anticipate what they want. Sometimes people don\u2019t even know what women are doing because women are just doing it.\u201d<\/p>\n

MISS-DIAGNOSIS
\n<\/span><\/h3>\n

Though mental health awareness has seen significant strides in the last decade, studies \u2013 including a recent survey by digital healthcare app Livi<\/a> that found 57 percent of women reported being wrongly diagnosed by doctors \u2013 still point to a concerning rise in women\u2019s issues being misdiagnosed. As Cox notes, strained and under-resourced healthcare systems built on systemic prejudices mean women often do not receive the care they truly need.<\/p>\n

\u201cIn many countries, if you go to a General Practitioner with low mood, you have ten minutes for your feelings to be heard. And the GP is powerless to do much beyond prescribing anti-depressants or maybe beta-blockers for anxiety,\u201d Cox explains. \u201cNo one is asking at a deeper level, what\u2019s actually going on here? Why are women so angry, and how is this unexpressed anger impacting their health?<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s so much more convenient for society that we blame women, label them and make them feel that they\u2019re broken rather than try to fix the deep systemic issues that have gotten us here,\u201d she continues.<\/p>\n

Despite taking on roles as caretakers for others, women themselves aren\u2019t always armed with the tools to recognise their own needs.<\/p>\n

\u201cWomen in most cultures will not say they\u2019re angry; they\u2019ll just say they\u2019re sad. Because that\u2019s acceptable,\u201d states Chemaly. \u201cWe don\u2019t mind a sad woman, and we don\u2019t mind a sick woman. So if we can say she\u2019s sad, or we can pathologise her anger, then we do. But the minute she\u2019s angry, there\u2019s friction because it goes against how we expect women to conduct themselves.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"
‘Medea’, 1862. Artist: Eug\u00e8ne Delacroix. From the collection of the Louvre, Paris, France. (Photo by Art Media\/Print Collector\/Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Maternal Instincts
\n<\/span><\/h3>\n

With our roles in society still so shaped by maternal expectations, anger can reach a fever pitch when we realise the impossible nature of modern motherhood<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re allowed to be angry as mothers, but we\u2019re not allowed to be angry about being mothers,\u201d argues Chemaly. Celia, 33, knew being a mother wasn\u2019t going to be easy, but she never knew how loud she could yell before raising her children.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhile I was unknowingly going through postpartum, I would see friends and family, and the questions were always something along the lines of, \u2018You must be so happy?\u2019\u201d she remembers. \u201cBut they weren\u2019t really questions, more expectations. How could I not be? I had two beautiful, healthy babies in my arms. But most days, I found myself wanting to scream and run into traffic.\u201d<\/p>\n

What usually comes out of this anger, though, is the sense of shame that we\u2019re not doing things right, that we\u2019re the problem.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re supposed to want to soak it all up and love every minute of it because it doesn\u2019t last long. But the littlest thing would trigger a wave of rage that felt unstoppable,\u201d says Celia. \u201cYou\u2019re not sleeping, eating, or doing anything else that brings you joy. And this thing you just want to love refuses to accept anything you do. In those moments, it doesn\u2019t matter how much comfort you get from your spouse; you feel crazy and alone because this is all supposed to come naturally to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s impossible to put into words, but even though I would die for my family, some days I just had nothing left to give but my own anger,\u201d she adds.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"
Lucrezia, by Jacopo Bonito. (Photo by DeAgostini\/Getty Images); . (Photo by DeAgostini\/Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

ANGER MANAGEMENT
\n<\/span><\/h3>\n

In dealing with this internal fire, Chemaly insists that \u2018anger management\u2019 as we\u2019ve come to know it, is not a productive way out of the woods.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe know that from lots of studies, children are already associating anger with the face of an angry man yelling or punching walls by the time they\u2019re four,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s the binary of aggression and reaction that we\u2019ve come to recognise anger as. Because of this, Chemaly says \u201cthe predominant approach to anger management is how to avoid explosive rage like that. That\u2019s not helpful.\u201d<\/p>\n

Traditional anger management doesn\u2019t always account for the nuanced ways anger is experienced by those who have not been encouraged to express it outwardly.<\/p>\n

\u201cFor minority people, for women, generally, we aren\u2019t allowed to express anger that way,\u201d explains Chemaly. \u201cInstead, we\u2019re managing anger all the time… For us, anger management is more of a question of: how do you liberate the anger in a healthy way? How do you stop suppressing it? How do you stop allowing its diversions to make their way through your body in very harmful and painful ways?\u201d<\/p>\n

The tendency to stew in it all, box it up, and swallow those feelings doesn\u2019t get us anywhere, either. Because, as Chemaly notes, anger is \u201cself-defeating\u201d. Unlike love, where if you love something, it grows, anger wants to be extinguished.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t get angry so that you get more angry. You get angry so that your anger goes away,\u201d explains Chemaly. \u201cAnd we can only do that when we validate it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Cox echoes the importance of talking about anger.<\/p>\n

\u201cBy creating a vocabulary around our repressed rage, we begin to release it,\u201d she says. \u201cCalling anger what it is and finding ways to name it and express it, gives us an opportunity to free ourselves from the harm it\u2019s doing us.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

ANGER AS NEED
\n<\/span><\/h3>\n

One of the greatest lessons Chemaly\u2019s work can point us towards is not to run away from, or try to \u2018fix\u2019 anger, but to reframe it and see its purpose. When we experience anger or any of its other faces, we\u2019re ultimately seeing a deep need come to its tipping point. It\u2019s why the author notes it as a \u201csocial emotion\u201d and why it\u2019s so affecting. After all, anger is not just internal; it can be palpable in the air between us. And because it\u2019s so relational in nature, it can be a potent cultivator of intimacy.<\/p>\n

\u201cNinety-nine percent of the time, anger requires someone else to do something for us,\u201d she notes.<\/p>\n

We get angry at our partners, at our parents, friends, coworkers or children. In this way, anger can offer us a deeper understanding of what we need from others and ourselves.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t really have intimacy unless you can express anger. If you can\u2019t express anger, that means you don\u2019t trust the person you\u2019re with to accept you, to care for you, to change whatever needs to be changed,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

When we don\u2019t feel safe to share our anger, expecting it just to dissipate, we risk fostering resentment, something much more difficult to unload.<\/p>\n

When asked if the end goal was the eradication of anger, Chemalay disagrees.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe evolved to have anger. It\u2019s a warning system. In a utopia, people would just understand anger more as a need and less as violence.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"female-rage-story\"
Jealousy (oil on canvas). Museo Civico Revoltella, Trieste, Italy (Photo by Art Images via Getty Images)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

BLAZING NEW PATHS
\n<\/span><\/h3>\n

Where we see this power in full force is in the ways women have utilised anger in activism.<\/p>\n

In June 1981, Audre Lorde gave the keynote presentation at the National Women\u2019s Studies Association Conference<\/a> in Connecticut.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy response to injustice is anger. My fear of anger taught me nothing. Your fear of anger will teach you nothing, also,\u201d she said. \u201cAnger is loaded with information and energy\u2026Most women have not developed the tools for facing that anger constructively.\u201d<\/p>\n

Realising that other people are angry, too, is where we see this rage engender social movements. We light the proverbial fire, and, more often than not, it\u2019s how we\u2019ve been able to enact transformative changes in the world \u2013 none of which could ever occur by remaining diligently polite. After all, there\u2019s a reason the \u2018angry feminist\u2019 is such a prolific trope. From bra-burning to marches, women in history have fought with a burning rage for equal pay, better work, rights to their bodies, and ends to sexual violence and abuse at work and at home. The list could go on. And as Cox notes, \u201cThe global backslide in our basic rights is increasing exponentially,\u201d and yet, we\u2019re still being sold the dream of \u2018having it all\u2019 when really, for women, that means \u2018doing it all\u2019. It\u2019s no wonder we\u2019re furious. But through the smoke of our blistering rage, there is hope that we may blaze a new path.<\/p>\n

Rage can swell in us like an untethered flame \u2013 its wrath causing destruction in its wake if not cared for, and this buildup of smoke and system oppression does well to fog our perspective. But like fire, it can transform the world around us. When we\u2019re misunderstood in this anger, where we\u2019re left to feel lonely and isolated,\u00a0 these primal senses scorch us. But as we navigate systems that seem rigged against us, coming together to share and harness that anger might just set us free.<\/p>\n

THIS FEATURE IS PUBLISHED IN THE 7TH EDITION OF GRAZIA MIDDLE EAST. ORDER YOUR COPY HERE.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

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