Billie Eilish is the youngest nominee in Grammys history to be recognised in all four of the awards ceremony’s biggest categories – record of the year, album of the year, song of the year and best new artist. But the level of fame, money and success that the teenage musician has is proof that mental health doesn’t discriminate.
While speaking to Gayle King for The Gayle King Grammy Special, Eilish said that when she first rose to fame, losing friends and the feelings of extreme isolation she felt were so intense that she spiralled into a clinical depression and seriously contemplated ending her own life while alone in a hotel room.
“I was so unhappy last year,” she told King of 2018. “I was so unhappy, and I was so, like, joyless.”
Eilish, who turned 18 in December, went on to say, “I genuinely didn’t think I would make it to 17.”
“I think about this one time I was in Berlin and I was alone in my hotel. And I remember there was a window right there. I remember crying because I was thinking about how the way that I was going to die was, I was going to do it,” she said.
Thankfully, thinking of her mum, Maggie Baird, was enough to stop Eilish from going through with her thoughts and she now credits therapy and support from her family for the happier place she’s in mentally.
Though this is the first time she’s revealed she contemplated suicide, Eilish has previously spoken about dealing with mental health issues, including anxiety, self-harm and depression, since the age of 13.
Eilish, who was diagnosed with Tourette’s as a child and still suffers from various physical tics, has also said the syndrome can make “easy things a lot harder.”
She’ll be performing at the Grammy’s on Sunday night in the US.